Musings of the Female Kind

Thin films

2010-03-27T11:31:00.002-05:00

I was going to write about how life is like a thin soap film, sometimes, it just looks so perfect that you think that if you touch it or change anything it will just break it :(

And then I see my last post it seems to be on same subject. No wonder I haven't posted much on this blog lately. I have only been having the same thought every month!!

So its Spring now, the air is still chilly but its sunny today. That just makes everything better. Spring brings flower buds, small green leaves, my plant seems to have made it through the winter and finally I see new leaves and I think, this is going to be a good year after all.

perfection

2010-02-05T19:02:00.003-06:00

Its hard to imagine that life could be perfect. The second I think that my life is perfect now and I don't want to change anything I assume I have jinxed it. Cause otherwise it would be strange. I have done nothing in my life to feel happy or content for very long, because one is supposed to earn it and its not clear what one did to earn it!

If I am saying everything is good, then of course something will mess it up. Cause otherwise that would be too easy. How can I be happy knowing that I am happy and there is nothing left to yearn for?

Cause if somebody discovered that there are very few wishes that have yet to true then this life may not last very long. Don't they say that there is a calm before the storm.

Of course they don't say every calm has to be followed by a storm. But you cannot assume that. Cause if you did, as luck goes, there will be a storm following the calm.

So in anticipation of the storm you spend you happiness stingily. You would rather have bouts of small sorrows rather than a big long lasting sadness. So when there is nothing to feel sad about you create it. You create imperfection there is none.

In all, i am always in state of almost happy, perfection. There is always that craving for one little thing if it were to come true life will be perfect..

But that is life haan? else what else would there be to live for?

one liners

2009-06-18T14:00:00.002-05:00

I have been recently thinking about changing my profession. I would like to be an advertisement critic. There probably are people who get paid for doing that. Part inspiration is the TNT series Trust me, which gives an idea about how much work goes into making an advertisement. Partly its the few adverts that took me by surprise and the others which made me bang my head to the wall.
Let me start by telling you about the latter first! Fortune Oil,
The tag line? Compare the oil to dishwashing liquid, why? because when you make food in Fortune oil you will lick off the plate cleaner than the dishwashing liquid!
OMG, I felt like pulling the hair of the person who came up with that idea. Chances are of course that person is bald by now anyway.
The best one recently I saw was Max New York Life Insurance.
Tag line : Karo Zyada ka Irada
Plot : Child repeating everything father says
daddy dada
banana banaana
chechslovakia brrr Kid makes a face!
It was brilliant and well supported.
Whats a good advertisement? Context, (which precisely means that you dont have to throw in skimpily dressed women in each and every ad you make!)
A good tag line which relates to the product, and then a sixty second spot which brings it home!
Dont overthink your audience, just think!

slumdog millionaire (spoilers warning!)

2008-12-30T12:40:00.003-06:00

So I finally saw this movie in the theater. Friends visiting for the weekend was excuse enough to go watch a movie.
The first half hour of the movie was so depressing that I was almost ready wait outside the theater for everyone. In fact, I would have done so if I was sitting on the aisle. I spent at least ten minutes closing my eyes. More so because none of background they showed was totally unbelievable, except for the first bit where he jumps into shit. That utterly gross!

Anyway, as the movie progressed into a fantasy mixed with reality the tone changed. No more gory scenes. It was still sad but the worst was over. The dialogues were funny, especially bit about Taj Mahal being a hotel and the king dying before any of the rooms being built :) Fully points to all the actors and even for the casting directors. The character roles being played by bollywood veterans did the trick.

Street children talking in english was a little wierd at first but after while it just felt like a movie in english, thats all. All the hindi usage was indiscreet and at least not noticable to me..but then again they didnt put in subtitles very often. So am not sure how the non hindi speaking people liked it.

In the end, it was a well made/written fantasy tale of rags to riches.

The only thing is it probably had a sum total of the bad things that can happen in India to the poor. So not a fair representation of the reality, but neither is the commercial indian cinema anyway. I walk back home thinking at least I cannot point my finger at anything in the background which was untrue.

Final Verdict : Worth a watch.. with a strong heart...

my point of view

2008-12-19T13:00:00.004-06:00

We were talking about healthcare system in the US at lunch the other day. And someone was telling me about the argument against having the government take care of it. One of it was it will become like DMV and my response was maybe I am used to standing in lines in India so I find nothing wrong in it.

But then, it occurred to me later, if that was the flimsy argument against it then I am not sure privatization is the way to go either.
Think about any non-essential companies like cable, phone etc... I have had to spend hours on the phone to order, cancel, fix any service I have had. Even though it might be in their interest to keep me happy, if they are the only company providing the service they won't care.

I know its not an argument for having the government take care of it...but I just had to mention it. Actually I my experience at the DMV at recent times has been quite simple. I have never had to wait more than an hour for anything. It was quite systematic last time I was there. For the amount of people they cater to, they do a fair job.

I have one more argument against the logic that private is the way to go. In all honesty, ever since I have come to this country, I have stood in lines to get coffee, to get food, at the checkout counter and, I have learnt to become patient.
Everybody seems to take their own sweet time to do things. I had always thought that its in the businessman's interest to get these lines cleared up quick. But no! you can stand in line for 20 minutes to get a cup of coffee, to check out your groceries..

Then again, I have never really tested out the health care system in this country and I am thankful for that. So I have no way to verify any arguments for or against government.
All the same, I hope the next decade brings new ideas, open mindedness, gives the "government vs private" a rethink.

my main man..C H A R L I E

2008-11-15T18:46:00.004-06:00

I had completely forgotten how much I loved this movie when I first saw it. I saw it probably for the nth time yesterday, after a break of some years and, I sat engrossed the whole one hundred and thirty three minutes of it. I was supposed to be working alongside, but what can I say? I never got to my backpack to even open my books!

The Rain Man starring Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise released in 1988. You can read more about that here .

I cannot quite remember when I saw the movie first, because I probably saw the movie in pieces initially. However every scene made an impression, Hoffman and Cruise walking together out of Wallbrook, walking out of the airport, riding down escalator in las vegas, the drive ...There just are so many.

There are scenes in the movie I never quite forget. At that note, after contradicting myself in about 15 lines I recommend you watch the movie and then perhaps this is not a contradiction.

Don't you care?

2008-10-29T14:07:00.003-05:00

I got early to class today to teach..and my students were talking about which part of the country they are from.. and suddenly I felt real ashamed.. Ashamed to say that I am from Bombay... Mumbai..

I used to be once so very proud of this city which was a complete representative of our country..where no language was considered higher, no race given preference..it was anything but what it is in the news for today.

Do we not have a conscience anymore ? Will we use any excuse to beat up another person and even kill? If we are not that person..who are we? the ones do not even stand up for our fellow human beings.

I can understand the fear of the mob.. 12 hitting 4...but what about the 100s who could stop those 12..

If we know this is wrong..how come nobody seems to be vehemently voicing our opinions? I find it hard to believe that a speech about how mumbai belongs to marathi speaking people but location is reason enough to let someone be murdered.

Is there no law and order? I didn't think we had a very good law and order..but where is the mumbai police ? Can anyone kill anyone just because they speak a different language.. I can't think of any other part of the country where this can happen...!

If this is the ideology people believe in..they should never move..! live and die in the same house they were born in. Never walk to the neighbouring house either..after all if we start dividing on basis of language, caste, religon.., why not generalize it further and realize that its every man on his own..
Sounds extreme...? but what about those people are drawing these lines of boundary ?

but of course

2008-07-09T23:11:00.004-05:00

they should pay me to write movie reviews. I watch at least a movie a day. I notice tiny details in the characters, and sometimes even get so engrossed in the movie that I am at one with them.

so I think they should pay me to write this..as I tell you that definitely maybe is a must watch for all those who like the mush with some common sense and sensibility. I could predict most of the story and yet it surprised me and some and most of all made me feel good at the end of the day! and best of all got me to write (even if this post is full of and's)

fiction should be like that..running parallel enough to real life that you can imagine." hey this can happen to anyone" and yet manage to sort out the difficulties in a non-earth shattering way so you come out of the theater (or in this case the living room) feeling content that you spent your last few hrs sorting out some virtual life!

and this is partly addressed to my dear friends (if they ever should read this post since they think that this blogger has vanished for good!), fiction does not have to be inspired by real life. More often than not, its a tiny incident which triggers a train of thought, a wave of emotion, a burst of imagination all expanding to a dozen paragraphs of often rosy prose.
and the game that meghana plays in "jaane tu kya jaane na" namely "whats this?" is all it is.. really. you see a banyan tree she sees a witch with flying on her broom stick !

of idols and idolizing

2008-02-12T12:25:00.001-06:00

My friend was complaining about Aditya Narayan, once of "chota baccha samajh ke mujhse naa takrana" fame,now the ~~compere~~ ( I really cannot spell the word) MC of
Saregamapa. He sings ok but not enough to be idolized.

I realized in todays world ...with internet anyone can be idolized..or infamous..or famous..
Like Ms South Carolina was it? Her slip up in Miss America spread on internet like wild fire.
Or the desi guy in American Idol who became famous for his bad singing!
Or the stars of various song competetions..Especialy if they are from small towns..they become the talk of the town real quick.
If you check online..there is a fan club for anyone who is remotely famous. Tehre are already at least 20 communities on Orkut raving about Ishant sharma.

My Plan? If I really get nowhere in proving my theorems in math...then prove that anyone (and really anyone) can become the rage of the town on the "internet " :)

PS: I should not forget to mention my TV idol..Since am more into reruns and watch old seasons of tv series on DVDs..For the past two years its been Ms Lorelai Gilmore.. what can I say..she has the "TV life"

more and butter milk

2008-02-11T12:43:00.000-06:00

What is it about us humans ( and I am generalizing this a fair bit already..so not including all living beings!) that we always want more?

We are happy but we want to be more happy (as if we could really quantify it..but maybe that is the point!) We have money but we want more. We have freedom..but it just ain't enough. We have love but god forbid if we were ever satisfied with it.

Ok..there is an argument in life that if you don't want things..you will never achieve. So if you had been just happy with fire ( and by you I mean B. Franklin) there would have been no electricity. If you had been happy with mail.. and again..I really mean G. Bell there wouldn't have been any telephones. ( At this point I sincerely hope that there were mail carriers well before Mr Bell arrived on the scene!)

Alright so I buy that argument and say that maybe one should not want more of what we already have..but want different things. Except at this point..one of Mahatmas (and I do say this with all due respect) arrives and preaches that we should not want anything. That the whole purpose of life is letting go..etc etc..

And my argument against that is, well why live a life trying all your life not to live it? Why try new techniques when you happy already.. ? Why give up what you got..instead of making it better.. ? Why want something else? At this point I realize I have a come a full circle with an argument. If I had really known any better..I wouldn't be here blogging instead of working on my thesis..in fact..I would be here at all.I would be a Swami.. or Gyani..or something like that! Either making tonnes of money (most possibly that!) or living in Himalayas..on alms..

Right now I am amused that whatever word processor blogger is using recognizes Swami
and Mahatma:)

About the buttermilk ..so my ABCD cousin was at a wedding reception in India. He had had a cup of this amazing Tamilian filter coffee. So, he went to the cook and asked for "more". The nice man poured him a glass of buttermilk and gave it to him.

Moral? So when have you ever gotten anything you asked for?

black and grey

2007-11-19T23:54:00.000-06:00

shadow of doubt

the world of darkness
is nearing
closing in on you...

how do I know?
i switched off the lights when I walked out on you, silly you!

hope

and the glimmer beckons me
where to i know not
so i keep walking to the end of the rainbow
where the pot of gold
i pass by silvery lights
and red glowing rubies
and several other gems that hold no value for me
should I stop here?
near this bed of rocks
there is no end in sight!!!

PS : A little too much of nirvana nad pearl jam..and no end of the math!

"Music n movies

2007-10-25T00:48:00.000-05:00

So typically Hollywood movies do have a popular soundtrack. But not half as influential on the success of the movie as in Bollywood.

Yet there are some movies, which use a famous or a well heard song at the most appropriate occasions to bring out the real meaning.

So for anyone who has watched "In America" a story about Irish immigrants remember the following scene.

The elder daughter singing "Desparado" by Eagles at a school Talent show searching for her father in the audience and meanwhile him stumbling down the stairs of ther apartment building..drunk..
Dont your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky wont snow and the sun wont shine
Its hard to tell the night time from the day
Youre loosin all your highs and lows
Aint it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why dont you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin, but theres a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before its too late

Or the scene in Squid and the Whale with the older son runnin away from his troubled life ( his parents having divorced)

Hey you, out there in the cold
Getting lonely, getting old
Can you feel me?
Hey you, standing in the aisles
With itchy feet and fading smiles
Can you feel me?
Hey you, dont help them to bury the light
Dont give in without a fight.

Bombay and Germany...no connection at all.

2007-10-18T00:53:00.000-05:00

This post possibly belongs in the book blog. But then again, its already been reviewed once. It was the review which made me read it.

Maximum City is a book about Bombay. Suketu Mehta does a good blend of his life on returning to his homecity and the story of the city itself. So I spent most of my trip and back to Germany (and I have been meaning to mention that one way or the other :) ) reading this book. On the train ..(and german rail system is amazing!), on the flight, etc. On a side note, I really had fun riding the rail. I believe I travelled at least 5 different types of trains..at varying speeds..going upto 240 km/hr (and not even feeling it..).

I had a couple of days to see some of Germany (after my conference) and I did my best. The book gave me wonderful company. I remember sitting at Karlsruhe station waiting for the connection. I was reading this book with at most concentration. Suketu Mehta was explaining the life of a bar girl. The whole courting process, and suddenly I heard at least 10 dogs barking at hte same time.
Apparently some search party was out, there were these men in uniform with trained dogs. The dogs had been barking quite randomly at the passengers getting out the train. For a second, I looked around to realize that I might be looking a little suspicious sitting there alone. The dogs luckily showed no interest in the sweets I had in my backpack.

Germany was very tourist friendly, inspite of language issues. But then again, I possibly visited only the touristy areas. I got a chance to take treks in the black forest, eat the original black forest cake. Meanwhile, I reading about another life filled with murder and mayhem of black collared workers/ mafia in Bombay. The starking contrast of where I was ..and the city I had lived in most of my life left me with this unworldly feeling.

The disbelief of what I was reading and beauty of my surroundings, have made the whole experience quite surreal. Bombay and Germany..no connection at all..except in my head!

Dreams and Reality

2007-09-07T00:43:00.000-05:00

Its amazing how something that was a big deal for days together, when it is over..or when it just doesn't work out they imagined way just turns into nothing.

All the excitement, the enthusiasm, the expectations become nullified in an instant.

In a way dreams rarely ever turn into reality, cause if they did why would they be dreams in the first place. Then again, if they never become real why dream at all?

Perhaps sometimes, the fun of it all is in the excitement, the
expectations, in dreaming those impossible dreams; in being brave to want something that may not happen.

Change is a reality....

2007-09-04T16:06:00.000-05:00

The faces that were a norm fade away into deep corners of memory. New surroundings take control and over time become normal. Once in a while an unexpected tidal wave, brings about new breezes. The scent of old memories take over. The surroundings become hazy as the sweetness in the air consumes everything. For a few moments, life just goes back a few years. The rest of the day is spent in this dazzling unreality of past and present together at the same time!

gripes nd likes.. on trivialities..

2007-08-31T15:30:00.000-05:00

irritated with how people misuse public toilets

amused by how people talk with actions on the phone " can you find it..its in that cupboard..its sqaure" the guy draws out a sqaure shape with his hands..
I feel like telling the guy, I can see it..but the guy at the other end clearly cannot!

feel good when strangers on the road make it a point to say hello and smile..

amazed how the right song on the radio can change the mood in the room for the better..

still find it fascinating when there is sudden burst of rain from the sky..and the whole scenery blushes in greenery.

I decided that the cover of a book can decide whether i will pick it and browse through it.. so that one cover can make or break its sales..by a lot if there are more readers like me!

First impressions dissolve into oblivion when you really get to know a person. And even though you were not wrong about your first impression, they are only a small part of their character.

There are some people in this world..when you look at them you know they are nice..that you would have to dig hard to find anything bad about them...

And one fly moving across the screen can make blogging tedious!!!!!!!

printed impressions

2007-07-18T22:36:00.000-05:00

Aren't books the most wondeful things in the world? I hope that the printed word never goes out of fashion, even as I type this up and realize there is almost zero chance these words ever getting printed :) but hopefully some chance of being read!

I was sitting in the public library today and realized that what boon it is to any given community to be able to afford a free library. Why, you don't even ever have to take stuff home. You can basically sit there all day and read everything, from newspapers to magazines, fiction to how to do..help books. Anything and everything.

I used to read a lot of Louis L'amour stories and the heroes were all self educated, learned men.
In particular I would be facinated by the fact that a person could know a lot without ever stepping into a school. It struck me today that if you have access to libraries then you just need to become literate to become educated.

If educated means being aware of the surroundings, to know what is going on in the world, the ability to learn more and more then its just a few meters away! And any man, woman and child can be educated at will free of cost!

nasha yeh pyar ka nasha hai :)

2007-07-14T03:31:00.000-05:00

Kudos to Amit Paul! He made a song which I barely remember, into a memorable song. Now, I was all set to forward his singing on todays episode of Indian Idol 3, for I cannot remember him ever making an impression.
No offence to Udit Narayan, but this chap made the song come to life. The scale changes, and the soft voice, it was so good that even Alisha Chenoi asked for an encore.

Its amazing how good singing can bring life into simplest of songs. I have to admit I have heard him sing three times already and felt compelled to write this.

As an aside, well not quite an aside but an add on, Ankita Mishra (the wild card of Indian idol 3) actually has managed to impress with her performance on the (what I would call "Sideiest ) very generic songs. She has a style which gets attention, whether that qualifies to make her a playback singer I don't know.

Of course given the structure of Indian Idol and all of these singing competetions, more often than not who sings well or performs well rarely is connected to who wins. So let us see, cause I was really disappointed with the results from last year!

Meanwhile, both Star TV and of Zee TV (the originator of singing competetion Sa re ga ma pa) have a corresponding show, which very often showcases a higher quality singing talent. Its really hard to follow all of them simulateneously so I have stayed loyal to Indian Idol. Partly because of the ease of getting hold of the videos !

For the uninitated, you can watch Amit Paul in the Part 12 of the July 13th episode on
http://indianidolclips.blogspot.com/

PS: For those who expected something else on reading the title..I apologize ;)

exagggggggeration

2007-06-25T20:46:00.000-05:00

"its not even between 10.3 and 10.4..." this voices keeps insisting loudly in the coffee shop.

"When are people going to realize, that this is a study envoirnment for most of us regulars here",
I think to myself.

Can't help wondering though how that conversation must be going as I move out of his voice zone with my headphones. Perhaps, he will say next

" Its not even between 10.35 and 10.4. And when you do this again, you find its not even between 10.355 and 10.4 ! ............"

Naturally the next thing to remind ourselves here is that the best story tellers are ones, who know exactly how many times to repeat a particular thought. Who know how many times is enough to
explain the gravity of the situation and yet not loose attention of the audience.

At the thought..I go back to my books leaving you my unknown (possibly non=existant) audience to ponder over what you think makes a good story teller!

Get those moles out. Got to dig 'em roads..

2007-06-22T14:32:00.000-05:00

Recently I have been complaining to my friends how the muncipality (county management...whats the word people here in US?) is not very different.

My friends argue .."oh its different, look at the powerful machines they have? In India they would have 50 people working on it!"

I argue back, saying "Oh but they have 5 people staring at the machine digging the road!"

Agreed, thats not much of an arguement, cause they do get things done faster here. But you cannot disagree with me when I tell you that they really like to work on the roads, as they do in Bombay!

Take for instance this road I walk by everyday to work. In last 5 years they have dug it up three times for sure. For various reasons. They dig to put new electric cables..
they dig to beautify the road...and my god...the latest..They dig to make the road NARROWER!!!

Shallow waters run deep

2007-04-29T02:34:00.000-05:00

"No depth, very shallow!", the traveller proclaimed after stirring the "stream" water with his feet. Techinically it was possibly not a stream. But as far as he could see there was water in both directions. He decided to break his journey at this particular patch near water, where there was more vegetation.

The cool breeze blowing across the water brought relief from the hot mid-afternoon sun. He opened his bag and took out a few pieces of bread with pickles he had packed for lunch.

He spent the next hour gazing at the stream munching on his lunch slowly. Once in a while a fish would look up to him from the water. The fish got excited when he threw bread crumbs into water. Once in a while a bird would sweep past the surface of the water, preying on the fishes.

The activity around the stream increased as time was closing in on sundown.
More bird swoops, more fishes travelling across the stream. Other gentile animals he could see across the stream from him, drinking water from the stream.

Time passed and, soon darkness had surrounded him. He sighed and set up his tent right there. The sigh was more to signify the speed of time passing then from being stranded at near the stream for the night.

As far as he knew there weren't any wild dangerous animals in that part of the country. All night through, he observed and heard life around him.

Next morning as he set off on his journey again, he sat down near the stream to fill up his bottle with fresh water. He stirred the stream with his hand and let the water settle before he took a dab at it. As he stood up to leave, he glanced at the stream. "Shallow waters can run deep after all!"

Parental Guidance (PG)

2007-03-22T00:07:00.000-05:00

This post is long due..and since am writing it at a point when I don't remember anything but the basic thought.. pardon the lack of flow.

Been watching tonnes of Gilmore girls over the past few months until I couldnt lay my hands on any new seasons! For the uninitiated this is a series on WB about a mother daughter relationship. The premise is that Lorelai Gilmore got preganant when she still in high school. She brought up her daughter Rory on her own without marrying Rory's mother and any parental support.
Anyway, that apart she was young when she had the child and they are more friends than mother daughter. They never hide anything from each other.

In all its the so called "perfect" mother daughter relationship..

Yet inspite whenever Lorelai has to take up the role of telling her daughter that something she is doing is not right she is always in trouble.
Rory at somepoint is sleeping with a guy who has always been in love with her but is married now to another girl. But the minute her mother points this out..they have this cold war thing for a couple of months, until both of them accept the situation.

Or for that matter when Rory wants to quit university and take a break for a year, Lorelai cannot
understand this. She can only think that she is throwing away her dreams. For an intial period she can not be understanding!!

Sure, this is drama..and they have to create situations.. but real life is sometimes like that.
I guess telling your kid that what they are doing is no good is hard, because every teenage kid wants a "cool" parent than a guiding one.. Influence in any form when different from what we believe is unpleasant..If its a friend we can shrug it off..if its a parent we might even be coerced into agreement. All I could think was that it cannot be easy being a parent.. no matter how cool you are !!

Delhi heights

2007-02-19T18:17:00.000-06:00

I am not first to blog about these lyrics (google made that obvious.). Its a song from Delhi Heights..music by Rabbi Shergill and sung by Sonu Nigam.
The lyrics are by Rabbi Shergill himself..and it took me way too much effort to figure this out..
really I thought people were more updated than that!

I couldnt ignore these words as I was listening to the song..hope you like them too.

Kitne der tum baatien karogi
Filmo ki aur falshafo ki
Kitne der arzoju aad mein chupegi
Coffee ki aur kehkaho ki
Kitne Der us dil mein rahega
mere naam per ek sawaal

Home Sweet Home

2007-02-09T15:15:00.000-06:00

Once again when I am home I rediscover the printed media in desland.

The cannibal ..more bodies are discovered..as Delhi police find the missing children. Was this guy dealing human organs?

Dogs create a havoc in Bangalore..A child mauled to death by 10 to 12 dogs. BMP claims it must have been a hit and run accident..dogs dont attack people.
That whole week..paper was full of such incidents.

Meanwhile Shilpa Shetty makes the news big time with Big Brother show..admist the protest of several immigrants in Britain against the new immigration rules. The racist issue is up for discussion yet again..

Ash's engagement to AB junior..The Bacchan'ns walk to Sidhivinayak temple. Ash will act or not after tying the knot is upto her future in-laws..apparently the newpaper claims.

Indian team under fire again. Someone tries to attack Chappell at the airport..

Television set..

Sawaal kar le kar le...SRK dancing to money tunes trying to buy veiwership for KBC III!

Tulsi ma..bees saal purana sawaal phir uthega..ansh ki maut ka badla...

Awesome advertising..
Take the Haynes undergarments..no tag add
Or Motorola..cheap stylish phones gimmick..

Some new serials to watch

Jab Luv hua..plays on Zee TV same time as KSBKBT and works well in terms of avoiding adds on both channels..
Mohalla Mahobbatwalla..is entertaining on SABtv..
BEst of all " Ek Chabbhi hai pados mein" Plays on Star Plus Saturday nights at 10PM..

Finally had my first and second genuine masala puri in banglore fast food places..

Saw A mall in Bombay..never been to one before. Totally dig the few minutes I was at crosswords..
The number of books just made me want to be there forever..so many new indian authors..am so glad htey are getting space..

Also ate paneer chalupa for the first time..had tonnes of gobhi manchurian..sweet corn soup..

It all ended too soon.. Been back here for three weeks now..and want to go back home again..

The inevitable parting

2006-12-09T20:52:00.001-06:00

I never expected you to stay with me always.
There was no such clause to our friendship,
You were lonely and so was I
and together we were lonely no more.
We talked about music,
we talked about philosophy,
I was curious and nosy,
You were shy and civil,
But you came with me anyway
when I paid a visit to the strangers.
I guess I always knew, one day you will leave
One day you will meet that person,
who truly makes you happy and
you will be the loner no more.
And yet I was shocked when it happened
I was jealous, I was upset
Jealousy doesn't mean I was in love with you
I loved to have you around though..
and now that you are not here anymore..
I am back where I was, alone as always.

PS : This is an ode (?) to Isabel Dalhousie and Jamie.. Strangle McCall Smith, refuses to tell me what Jamie's last name is. Last few weeks I have spent hours reading about them...and only fitting to write something about them na?

Completely Random

2006-11-30T22:09:00.000-06:00

I have been brainwashed from the day I was born. That must be it, how else would you explain that everytime I think of God, I think of Him? and not Her?

If I were a feminist ( I am not admitting to be one or the other here!) I would explain that when you think of God, you think of someone who is better than humans..who is perfect.. There is no room for perfection in women, so he better be a man na?

Before you bring out your brickbats ( I mean the few male readers who frequent this blog), let me distract you. I am talking about brainwashing with social norms and how
inbuilt it is. You buy your daughter pink..and you buy your son blue clothes. You (read I ) laugh at male friends when they wear baby pink or orange shirts. We are taught that a standard family is a dad , a mom and children. No wonder single parenting is hard..because we have made it abnormal.. You might attribute it to natural instincts.. And yet we want social stamps of marraige to make these supposed natural instincts valid! (anybody can figure out what my marital status is from that remark..but that was not the point..duh!)

Almost all those little things, which I explain as "I like it this way..call it a whim..isn't everyone allowed a whim.".has really been ingrained from Day 1..in some form or the other. The people around me weren't trying to imprint these things, but they did so anyway. My generation grew up with a fear of drugs..the ad campaigning possibly worked to a great extent..on false dread or real ones.
You told me why certain wars happened. You told me which side was good and which one was bad..in a subtle way.. (how often was this side the one who ended up winning?).

Everything including morality was instilled ...No, I suppose some moral virtues are inherent..have nothing to do with the surroundings, but there are others..which have been ingrained with years of repetetion..in the form of stories..moral lessons.
Weren't we supposed to judge these things for ourselves?

And it is right about here in my thoughts when I start fearing media. If you keep telling me I should be afraid of something...sooner or later, you will instill the fear in me. Then when you offer me protection, I will take it..even if it binds me in a cell for the rest of my life.

Calvin...

2006-11-20T00:04:00.000-06:00

..says it all!!
Source

Movie Nostalgia

2006-11-09T21:10:00.000-06:00

Iske aage ki ab dastaan mujhse sun(ho ho ho ho ho)
Iske aage ki ab dastaan mujhse sun
Sun ke teri nazar dabdaba jayagi
Baat dil ki jo ab tak tere dil mein thi,
Mera dawa hai hoton pe aa jayegi

I always wondered what he meant by that somehow, the next set of lyrics
Tu masiha………..
Tu masiha mohabbat ke maron ka hai(slow)
Tu masiha mohabbat ke maron ka hai
Hum tera naam sun kar chale aaye hain
Ab dua de hamein ya tu de de zeher
Teri mehfil mein ye dil jale aaye hain
Ek ehsaan kar……..
Ehsaan kar(slow)
Ek ehsaan kar, apne mehmaan par
Apne mehmaan par ek ehsaan kar
De Duaein
De Duaein use umra bhar ke liye
Salaam-e-ishq meri jaan…..

in my mind did not make sense. Finally I realized..he meant those lyrics to impress Rekha in this song! Well anyway, this song was playing and my thought went back to the movie. And I thought they just don't make movies like that any more.

I know I know..they make Action flicks..mindless which I love..they make movies on social issues..much needed.. they make happy goody films.. which are nice to watch.
They even make some family drama... not that I have seen a good one lately.

But they just don't write intense drama anymore. Before, you tell me otherwise here is my take on it. I saw Muqqadar ka Sikander at least 12 years ago. I have watched it only once. I remember one hell of a lot of the movie. Simply because the passions run so high! What a strange plot... Amjhad Khan (Dilawar), a goon is in love with dancer Rekha (Zohrabai). Zohrabai is in love with Amitabh (Sikandar). Sikandar is in love with Rakhi (Kaamna,urf Memsaab) . Kaamna is in love with Vinod Khanna (Vishal). The only source of any hapiness in the movie was the fact that Vishal actually reciprocated Kaamna's love.

Of course, this all seems far-fetched (although I honestly think its really not all that far from real life love stories!). Being in love with someone, who was kind to you as a child...is a little too deep on retrospect. But allow for the usual exagerations, the movie kept you
involved with each of the characters. And you come back from the movie thinking What if! What if..Vinod Khanna had not written the letter for Amitabh. What if Rekha had not taken Vinod Khanna so seriously. What if Amjad Khan had realized that Rekha had been much in love with Amitabh.

Call it nostalgia..if you will... it was entertaining while it lasted!

Jaan-e-Mann

2006-10-16T00:13:00.000-05:00

Heard a couple of new songs recently from the above named movie which make me want to fall in love. Of course am using the word very loosely here...
to mean the doe-eyed look for this person on whom you have bestowed the remote control for your emotions minus the instruction manual! The chaos that ensues...is then not to be wondered at.

Ah but am getting distracted, "Ajnabi Shehar hai" is the one really strung a chord with my heart strings. Sonu Nigam is sounds really good. Then there is "Humko Maloom hai" which is story telling in a song. This song would fit right into a musical. "Sau Dard" is just the same song reincarnated. "Jane-tu Jane na"is a jugalbandi between Sonu Nigam and Sukhwinder Singh with again a very catchy tune.....All in all dont get put off by the fact that this movie stars Salman khan and akshay khan..both of whom look nothing like anything I (or anyone i know) would be doe-eyed about...

Drama

2006-10-15T23:48:00.000-05:00

The Characters Change
The Scenes get rewritten
New sets are built
New players are introduced

In this Play called life
Every Act is a new
Every enactment is original
Even the main character
undergoes a change everytime

Yet there is repetetion every show
The same passions take over
The same scenes get applauded
Same actors are lauded
The end, is the same everyday!

Rants of the frustrated Grad..Stud.. :)

2006-10-05T16:47:00.000-05:00

I feel like a Greek Tragedy today. Things are not really any different from yesterday and won't be too different tomorrow, but I just felt like saying that sentence aloud for what it is worth!

Its strange the life of a Graduate student. Our lives are very much governed by our research. One happy day of results, working setups, very happy advisor can be followed by discovering next day that some of those results are not quite correct. What was working yesterday, ain't working no more. Advisor is upset for unknown reasons. And there you go..there is tragedy for you! Of course the most tragic part of graduate life is not graduating, which is omnipresent till the day you actually graduate!

If you think about it five or more years of "prime" life is spent worrying over the "thesis" which doesn't exist till it does and you are done. While other normal people are going home with big bucks, to their spouces and maybe even noisy children. A graduate student usually comes home to an empty apartment..regardless of whether the person in question is living alone or with roommates (their roommates probably having completely different waking hours).
Most of social talk involves comparing advisor idiosyncrasies, complaining or praising..(yep sometimes that happens) advisors..and other such important matters. When bored of conversing, the GS's watch movies together..sometimes some of them will also cook for another 10 of them..just to spice up things!

In all every day is the same..perhaps the rest of the world doesn't live a very different life.. but what would the frog in the pond know about the sea haan?

From Mars to Earth

2006-09-20T18:46:00.000-05:00

In high school there used to be this silly joke floating around. The person telling the joke would be shaking hands with the listner and asking them questions about the planet earth. The joker if I may say so was claimed to be from Mars.
Jokers asks " So how do you have babies on Earth?"
The real Joker (who is buying all this) repeats some terminolgy learnt in a recently taught bio lesson about reproduction in mammals (very embarrased at this point!) and then feeling smart about it asks " How about in Mars?"
Joker then says " Oh, we do it by shaking hands..!"
Immediately hand retreats from clasp.. and the amount of laughter embarrasment brings is amazing.
Of course the smart Alec (or is it alex?) response is " Oh I was expecting that..that isn't even funny.."

Anyway, I was thinking if people had babies on Earth by shaking hands..very soon shaking hands in public would be termed obscene.....and all sorts of things can happen..censor board refrains me from writing any further :)

On a different note coming back to our dear Earth, I would like to call friday, September the 15th the All Rude Day. I got up feeling exteremely cranky, and unhappy. For some reason everyone else felt the same way too I think. Any store I entered, I would be met by unfriendly faces...no smiles..not for me anyway! One smile would have made a hell of a difference that moment..but then again I think..is everything around us mostly a reflection of our own self?

Some strange doings of Earthlings like me..
So I try save paper, use recycling..use the wasted papers from the printer for scrap paper (I do math you see..that takes a lot of paper..sometimes anyway!). And then I happily use kitchen tissue to clean my kitchen floor..who will bother to use a cloth and then wash it haan?
Storing organic food..(err..groceries..) in plastic containers only comes second to that...

Eventually..

2006-09-19T00:03:00.000-05:00

At the end of the day
Its just you and me
No matter how long we are apart
How long I keep away from you

At the end of the day
Its you I have to face
Its you I have to answer to
No matter how often I turn away

At the end of the day
I have no where to go
Weary and tired all I do is
close my eyes and try to sleep

At the end of the day
I can no longer avoid
no longer control my mind.
from thinking...of life and death
of unkept promises
of beginnings and the end

Disclaimer : Sometimes its hard to say what we want and at the same time keep the other person interested in listening to us. As far as poetry goes, this one is crappy..but these thoughts would look just as bad in prose form..perhaps the costume sometimes makes an expression a little more interesting?

Kabhi alvida na Kehna (trying to give a new meaning to love?)

2006-09-16T15:38:00.000-05:00

So having heard much about this movie...namely bad, worse and much worse, me nd a couple of friends braved other warring units (read friends threatening to eat samosas by themselves...) to go watch this film!

And after watching the 3 and half hour movie..which with all due respect to Amitabh bacchan ought to have been an hour shorter, I have much to say about the movie. *so if you dont want to hear about the story..well stop reading now!*

First of all Amitabh's character was shocking by any standards...to see a sixty year old man prancing with 20 year somethings in and out of bedrooms is quite dispecable.
But lets brush his character aside.

The movie's premise seems to be that two very different people married to each other will find it difficult to make it work. Lets let that go too..
But I have to take offence to the main characters of the movie, Rani and Sharukh Khan.

Rani Mukherjee gets married to her childhood friend, knowing fully well (supposedly taking three years to make this decision) that she is not in love with him whereas he is passionately in love with him. So you have a couple of Rani and Abhishek where the issue seems to be that Rani is obsessed with cleaning and Abishek with night life.
But he is always shown to care a lot for his wife, where she is dispassionate and completely uninvolved in the marraige. At least some ounce of feeling for each other out of their childhood friendship seems to be in order. She never has an answer as to why she married Abhishek in the first place, and neither does the director apparently, which makes her character slightly shallow. Especially after she starts cheating on her apparently loving husband.

Shahrukh Khan on the other hand, plays this guy who is angry with the whole world because a car-hit ends his football (soccer) career. He ends up coaching little children and takes out his frustrations on his little son. So if you like him so far you would like him more when you see his obvious antipathy with a career oriented wife, who is doing much better than him in life. Priety Zinta is clearly at fault (with regards to the marriage) for being career oriented!

So these lost souls become friends in attempt to save their respective marraiges, end up falling in love and breaking their marraiges anyway!

The last hour is the saving grace in terms of acting and better drama. The movie has a few lively moments and several good lines.

I just wish that Karan Johar decided to make a movie which was out there in terms of social acceptance had decided to make his characters a little more credible.
Its not that people cannot possibly fall in love after being married but there have to be more genuine reasons. After all, we Indians pride ourselves with strong family bondages. Its true that no marraige should end being just a bag of compromises devoid of love. But when you decide to make a movie about this, your hero, heroine shouldn't come out looking like villans!

All in all...it was disappointing...NOT Because it was too long or BEcause it was too dramatic..but because the story just wasn't spelt out right!

Of Walmart and Fair Trade Coffee...

2006-09-07T22:41:00.000-05:00

*Warning : This article is truly lacking in any facts and figures, and is only based on opinion columns!*

I read this column on the local newspaper here about
fair trade coffee (the post titled Stolen Childhoods).

And it got me thinking. The whole article is about how you need a certain number of people ( and really that means big businesses ) to be buying fair trade coffee in order for it to help the poor farmer. The point being that there are still poor farmers who are not a part of the fair trade market and by buying fair trade coffee we might be actually worsening their situation.

In the same vain, somebody complained about how they thought Walmart was bad because they sold goods made by poor labourers who were underpaid. And that Walmart was making money in bargain. But here is my thought, when I buy Made in India goods, they are priced closer to what they would be priced in India (which means that the labourers aren't gettingshortchanged directly by Walmart). And to me its better than a 2 dollar duppatta sold in the name of scarf for 40 dollars in Gap..now that is looting in broad daylight!

Leave that apart. My impression of Walmart is that, they are big, so they buy good in wholesale and thus sell everything for a lower price. Which usually means putting small businesses out of work.
But even that theory gets thrashed by this article I read in the NY times. They were talking about how lot of small businesses had been benefiting by Sam's club, which provides these businesses with all sorts of support at a much lower price.

In short, it hard to be right or wrong in this new world. Every tale has two sides to it. Perhaps that was always the case, maybe now people do a better job of putting it across.
All I know is that I can no longer can I say I am being good by drinking fair trade coffee!

Freaked out...

2006-09-04T14:46:00.000-05:00

Just attempted watching the theatrical trailer of Shiva (a new Ram Gopal Verma flick!).
After 4 seconds...unable to watch whats happening I closed the window. A goonda walking towards a man who is held by 4 goons..with a hammer..with obvious intentions to bang the poor chaps head.
The cop turning a blind eye to a laymans plea.. I couldnt watch more.

Same thing happened when me and my roomie tried watching this movie called Matrubhoomi..in the first few scenes they drown a new born girl child in boiling milk....WHy?

Why so grotesque?

Whats more scary is the fact..some of these things probably actually do happen! Which makes me wonder. What happens if I actually saw something like this happen in real life? Do I freak out? Do I turn a blind eye? And will it make things go away?

Will not watching such films keep me safe from nightmares? Possibly. But its freaking me out that
these things dohappen. I can do nothing about it. OR can I?

Misfit

2006-08-27T19:40:00.000-05:00

He knew he was different from them. He was only 4 when Aai and Baba had had the talk with him. They told him how he was different from his
year old sibling Shrawan. But it hadn't really sunk in then. But slowly as Shrawan and he grew up he could see how he was diffrent from his family.

Shrawan would understand Aai, Baba much better. He would know when they were angry with him, when they were pleased with him. Aai, Baba were not much of talkers, they were stingy with words. You had to learn to understand their expressions. their actions. It took him some time but Sachin understood them. Or at least he thought so! But how he and Shrawan reacted back is what made all the difference. Mostly it was ok. But Aai,Baba really didn't know that he needed to be hugged and kissed, reassured of their affections.

Shrawan took Aai Baba's love for granted, whereas Sachin was afraid of loosing it to the extent that sometimes he wondered if they really loved him at all. Whether he was just a big mistake.

Aai Baba were really very nice people, it was hard to complain. But Sachin grew up a bitter boy.
It was the bitterness with world in general.

Aai Baba thought Sachin was just different. They gave him as much space as they could. Even Shrawan knew when to let Sachin be.

Sachin didn't really want to be left alone. Thats how Aai, Baba and Shrawan dealt with situations; not him! He liked people to come and talk to him about his problems.

THe Joshi's were a family bound by love and yet full of bitterness.
It wasn't meant to be like this. Amruta and Milind had never expected it turn this way! It seemed perfect, two idealistic like minded people, very much in love finally bound by marraige. Two years down the line they adopted Sachin. They didn't really mean to have another child. But Shrawan was born three years later.

The Joshi's promised to love their children equally,never to differentiate between them.
Perhaps they forgot that their two children were different people and they were to be nutured differently. Perhaps!

The dream

2006-08-25T14:59:00.002-05:00

Sakshi woke up blushing. The feeling of standing close to him and holding his hand still felt real.
She just had to close her eyes and she could imagine standing by him, holding his hand and walking.

Except who was he? She was most certain he wasn't Praveen. Wouldn't Praveen find this amusing, her holding a stranger's hand in her dream? It was embarrassing that she had such wierd dreams. She decided against telling Praveen about it. He would just make fun of her and it was only a dream.

She actually did end up telling him about the dream later that day. Again, it wouldn't have happened if she had not felt the brush of his sleeve in the bus on her way back home. She was trying to get toward the front of the bus (her stop being a few minutes ahead) when she got the feeling again. She turned to look who this chap was, but it was hard to tell in the crowded bus.

Praveen thought it amusing that she had a dream man who wasn't him. Sakshi could not quite tell whether he felt hurt or was just amused. In any case it was a harmless dream.

A few days later she had the same dream again. It just felt good to walk with him. She felt secure, unlike other guys. Apparently she loved walking with this stranger in her dreams.

She met him again on the bus a couple of days later. This time she saw his face, even though it was turned away from her. His dark glasses covered his expression. He was handsome. "Tall and skinny, nice clothes" thought Sakshi blushingly.

Today the bus wasn't so crowded. When she got off at her stop, she felt him behind her. It was too tempting. After walking a few steps away from the bus stop she turned to look. He was facing away from her, toward the traffic, trying to cross the road.

When the white stick came out, it all made sense! She was there beside him, holding his hand, crossing the road, just like in her dream.

The Runaway Plane..never coming back.. What are the chances?

2006-08-20T14:48:00.000-05:00

Well..first half of the title is explained in
here .

I have spent the last week fretting about what A would write on his blog about the trip. The moving, lack of sleep, lack of DSL connection just made me miserable. The only consolation was that A doesn't have internet yet either:)

Here I am in the coffeshop finally, connected to the NET world..and feeling much better now that I have read BAL's blog. He was done me no injustice..(for I feared that I would be featured as the main culprit in the drama even before our trip to Yosemite started!)

Anyway, I promised to write about my trip to Yosemite. Unfortunately, my camera refused to give me saath, the shutter got stuck 12 hrs after I had retrieved it from the security at ORD! The pictures hence will be gotten only after much begging and borrowing..:)
*cough*
continued a few days later...

Still jostling with Ameritech over my dsl line. They blame faulty wiring, I blame faulty customer
service.

What are the chances that A still hasn't updated his blog by now? Apparently 100 %.
Following is courtesy A, V and N's narration. Featuring S,N, A, SS, V and me all introduced in

here . Special Appearence : Strange(r) Desi. Name Unknown. Possibly from Silicon Valley. Accompanied by wife and two kids (dont feature in the scene!)

Scene: Six, very grumpy desis, the gender equality in numbers is baffling.

I::
Three of them have spent the last half hour walking in the dark collecting firewood ( at some point equating themselves to hyenas, since we were picking up wood from abandoned campsites!). After reaching camp, they realize the size of wood needs to be reduced without the aid of an axe. Various ideas

* like putting log between two stones and jumping on it...
* one person holding log, other jumping on it...
* plain hitting the log in frustration ensues...

Eventually, some log is retrived, pretensious fire ensues.

II
Lonely woman has to do all the cooking. Her friends have abandoned her for other work. Her spirits never die. A good meal is being concocted in the dark!

III::
Two of them have spent last half hour trying to figure out how to get the latern working in dark!
The irony of the situation does strike them! Then they keep their spirits up and set up the tent.
Even join in helping in cooking and fire starting!

Enter our hero (villan? comedian?)

A huge SUV pulls up.. a head pokes into our camp from the dark.

"HEy" he says..

Another look at us
" What are the chances?"
Baffles audiences (at least some of them!)
" Can you guys tell me where ## campsite is ? "
Answers given..SUV moves ahead.

Grumpy desis look at each other...what are the chances??

Irritating Desi back in the vicinity.

" Where did you get the firewood..?"

A answers.." WE went looking around for them!"

" Did you go in the dark?"

N explains .. " WE came after it got dark..only half hr ago!"

" So you found firewood in the dark"

Someone nods...

" What are the chances I will get firewood if I go looking for it now?"

Everyone is thinking, why doesnt he just go looking instead of asking us questions!

" Maybe you will find some "

Intruding Desi leaves...

Some explainations on his remarks are sought

N says.. " This guy lives in California and is surprised to find desis in Yosemite."

Poor Desi was at the wrong end of our jokes rest of hte trip.

What are the chances he is reading this?? (*running for shelter from brickbats!*)

All that in a pack of biscuits?

2006-08-03T23:35:00.000-05:00

I just discovered a new brand of biscuits with a chocolate layer..etc by PiM's. So the pack claims its France's No. 1 Biscuit Brand, but its made in Belgium. (no contradiction there really!)

Anyway, managed to finish the whole pack of biscuits..and I have to tell you they are really good..
What amused me however is the stuff written to advertise this !

"PIMs varieties are a unique selection of extremely indulgent biscuits, made with the finest ingredients to creat your own moment of sensual pleasure every day.

Be seduced by PIM's Orange, a combination of three luscious taste sensations : delicate soft biscuit, natural tangy orange fruit filling and rich chocolate, for an intense taste experience. "

Are they talking about biscuits? Scary part is ..its all true :)
(I added the italics to decorate the text btw :) )

Just an observation..

2006-07-27T00:16:00.000-05:00

.. and I have to say that these adjectives are not really mutually exclusive

Nice, homely boys fall in love with the girl next door types. The girl next door types fall in love with the pseud cool looking guys. The pseud cool looking guys fall in love with beautiful,outgoing type of girls.
The beautiful,outgoing type of girls fall in love and in fact marry nice, homely boys. Where that leaves rest of them...I wonder!

PS: I am sure its not a standard rule..But yaar its my blog, its my observation.. its a free world out there..or that was what I was told!

Power of love !

2006-07-26T00:03:00.000-05:00

He was everything my parents had warned me against! He was everything I would have asked my friends to stay away from. He changed jobs every two months. His temper and mood changed with the weather.
He could never keep his eyes away from any good looking woman on the street, even when I was with him, His friends were the street goons, the ones who made comments on everyone who walked by, who gave the thelewallahs a hard time. The kind who could find pleasure in teasing children. The kind who oggled at every woman.

I believed he was not like them, even if they were his best friends. I did not pay heed to all that was adviced against him. I was in love with him. He used to take me out on his motorbike riding it dangerously. He made me feel special. He had no one else in his life, no family that was known, no siblings. I was everything to him, or so he told me.

Fifteen years later, here we are, sitting across each other at the dining room of our two bedroom flat as our children squabble away. He talks to them patiently, trying to be the peacemaker.
The bike has long been sold. He has had the same job for the all of our married years. He is the father of my two little girls, whom he adores. His street friends have moved away from the locality, some into stable lives, others into anonymity.

I have it all made. So it seems, Did my love change him? The ambiguity of it all strikes me. Here I am, the daughter of proud parents, living a life envied by some, and approved by all. Here I am, sitting in front of the man I fell in love with. Here I am sitting in front of the man, who is nothing like the man I fell in love with.

....

2006-07-14T15:14:00.000-05:00

.. For the past few days I have been following the Mumbai help blog. I have only felt more helpless then ever, but knowing somebody is doing something is good sometimes.
Everyone I know is safe and sound (all my friends are in Bombay as I was born and brought up there!). Then again, so many people I do not know died for no obvious fault of theirs.
Then again,there were blasts in Kashmir and lots of people died. I didnt realize until this friend mentioned that somebody he knew had died in those.

From numbers on paper, to gory pictures on television. From names on the dead and injured list to the posts on blogs. We have seen it all before. We will see it again. We all say we want to stop this. If we all want to stop this..why is it still happening.

When will we find the solution or explain to this brainwashed people that killing has never solved anything. You kill my family, I will kill yours and it goes on..till we end both our lineage.

And then our friends continue the war for us..in our memory!

Hello

2006-07-12T18:29:00.000-05:00

It poured cats and dogs out there today. The thunder was indeed barking and meowing. Now there is this lull after the storm.
The air smells sweet, only thing I can hear is the birds chirp and those coloured tin machines (perhaps you refer to them as cars!) whiz by.

After rain, everything looks beautiful. Even the most boring of plants if full of life. Everything is green. The tiny drops of water balancing on the edge of the leaves make it all seem facinating.

In all, its a beautiful world. So hello, beautiful dear world!

Perhaps you can help

2006-07-12T10:32:00.000-05:00

Here is a Mumbai Help blog post . If you are having a better luck reaching phone numbers..maybe you can help!

Memories

2006-07-06T00:28:00.000-05:00

Turning into an insomaniac..ok not really..but currently cannot sleep. Suddenly was reminded of this
one wonderful summer I had with my cousins..when I was 14 I think.

I loved every minute of it. They were all older to me..anywhere by months to a decade. It was rare..what with school and everything that we all be at the same place at the same time. But once in a while it would and we would have a great time. Technically speaking I think they thought they had a great time, making fun of me..and teasing me. Me being the youngest one. But they probably didnt realize how much I enjoyed all this teasing. I just loved all of them, and really in their own way they were giving me all this attention ( I was attention craver as a kid..maybe I still am :) ).

All in all, we had good fun. Now we are all grown up..some are married with children. And who knows if ever we will be able to hang out together..all of us at the same time, And yet these memories that we created will remain forever in our minds. And I will have company on those boring nights when insomania strikes :)

Just a (few) thought(s)

2006-07-05T12:28:00.000-05:00

...I want my left and right hand to meet behind my back. But they refuse too..even though they are perfectly cordial when I can see them !

... Its a man's world. You want to fit in, be a man.. If you want to be special..be a woman !

...One can be rooted like a tree and let the scenary change around them. Or one can keep moving, like a bird..building a nest at every new place, never expecting permanancy.
In either case..Change happens.

...I admire people who can get over their broken hearts..who understand how its not the end of the world. I can not understand those who actually end their world on that account.

...Nostalgia is a dangerous things. It plays tricks on our minds. It convinces us that life will never be the same again!

D**** the five letter word

2006-06-29T23:53:00.000-05:00

Dear Diary,

I saw a strange movie. I walked out of the theater telling my friends how I liked the movie.
Then they pointed out how it was all about death..Even though the ending was happy the message of death being inevitable was hammered in with all nuts and bolts secured.

I walk into the empty house..switch on lights just to make me feel better. The music is playing loud. I feel in a daze.

For the uninitated I went to see and Australian movie called "Look Both Ways". The movie pencils a bunch of characters around a train freak accident of man trying to catch hold of his dogs. In the background is the running news of a huge train crash killing several.

Its about a couple of people who have started seeing death everywhere.
It was actually very well directed movie. I soaked it all...the direction, the acting..the mix of animation.. the concept all of it. And yet now I feel drained. Drained of some spirit.

I want to tell you how it reminded me of all the train accidents which we have witnessed only in the news (at least me!) How after a while it becomes numbers on the screen. One forgets how it might effect the ones involved. How rarely do we shed tears for unknown strangers.
Yet its inevitable..we all die one day. We all die alone..and we each have to cope with it our own way.

So I sit here and stare at my computer, at loss for words to describe how it feels! Perhaps you should watch the movie..and maybe you will understand what it is I want to tell you. No! i am not here to advertise a movie, but to advertise bits of entertaiment to remind you the five lettered
truth called Death!

love
me

Split Milk..

2006-06-28T23:12:00.000-05:00

I can visualize the whole thing in slow motion. The urge to get up and switch radio station..the slight brush of hand in the process...and all that chai on my spik and span carpet. The next minutes are spent in scrubbing away ferociously..with paper towels and windex..and as far as I can tell in the low lighting, they have done their job.

Now I can rue over the lost cup of tea, the wasted paper and the possibility of a stain on the carpet.

I know the saying..no point in crying over spilt milk. But sometimes I wonder if some remorse would help avoid it next time. So far I haven't found a solution as my dear friend will concur :)

Which brings me back to the point, should we blame ourselves for the mistakes we make so we will remember in future. And do we ever remember ? Is it at all possible to learn from our mistakes.
Would I redo somethings if given a second chance. Perhaps, but at that point I didn't have any more knowledge than what led to the mistake.

We all deserve second chances to prove ourselves...but what happens when we fail time and again?
What makes us get up...and re make that cup of tea and place it next to us (to really strech the analogy!)?

Page turner

2006-06-26T23:08:00.000-05:00

I want to know how it ends even before I have read the first paragraph. But I am not allowed to turn to the last page. After all I have to get to know all the characters and how they relate before I can get (to) the end.

So I purse through the pages, in anticipation....in expectation..of the wonderful..of the horror ..
of the tragic.. of the unexpected...

There are days when I am disappointed..there are days when its all and more than what I expected.

On the beautiful bright days, I want to read it all again. This time very patiently, reading every line..every description and when I get to the end..its a whole new story!

Phone sshphone..

2006-06-21T16:34:00.000-05:00

You and I don't make sense, Its like our friendship was an error in the global settings. A blip on the blank screen..the one that wasn't supposed to be there.
Its a miracle we have been friends for this long.

Hold on..what are you talking about ?

See there...you have no idea what we have been conversing about for the past 10 minutes..yet you refuse to hang up the phone

Hang up on you? When have I hung up the phone on you?

Ah..but you would like to won't you? I mean..we carry out these meaningless conversations everyday..for half hour..when you would rather be watching a movie or something!

Actually I am watching a movie right now. Except neither the movie or what you are saying makes any sense to me.

Which brings me back to my point na? We just dont make sense.. why are we carrying out this charade of friendship? For what 3 years now?

Ah come on..who else can I call and watch a movie at the same time and fail understanding both?

Why dont you just watch your movie? Am sure its much more simple to understand

I was only joking da...

See! I cannot even tell when you are joking and when you are serious.

Hmmm

Hmm what? Why dont you just go back to..oh am sorry continue watching your movie?..

Now that you mention it..its almost nearing the end.. I will call you after its done.

Grrr.. Wrong choice..see you dont know anything about me..you dont know when I mean something and when I don't. Well BYE then...!

Hmm..ok..Bye talk to you later

The Open Window

2006-06-20T22:20:00.000-05:00

I let him go. I could see those dark brown eyes staring at me through the window. I could see the questions I had not let him ask. I waved goodbye as the train whistled. The tears appeared in his eyes involuntarily. He would not blink his eyes though. The lady next to him gave me a reassuring look as if to say " I will take care of him, don't you worry!".

Worry? Is that what I felt at that moment? He had been a part of my life for the past three years.
My days and nights had revolved around him. What it had taken me to take that decision. To be left at the railway platform as the train had sped out of the station.
So there I stood almost wooden, stuck to the railway platform.

He was true to me for the rest of the years. He wrote to me every week. I answered his letters with great caution. Never letting him know how much I missed him. He never hid his feelings. The feelings mellowed down over the years though.

He was changing fast. The new city envoirment, new friends. a new family did him good. He was growing quite mature. At the same time his cautious handwriting had turned into a hurried scrawl.

It was a decade later that I was back standing at the same railway platform. My life was still very much the same. I had become the principal of Saint Roderiques Orphan School. It was a very demanding position. The Orphan school was residential one. And there were new admits every few months. Sometimes I wondered who produced these orphans? At other times, I thought perhaps it was God's way of creating a balance in the world. Where childless widows like me could find love. I thanked the Lord every day for the small mercies! For I had been allowed to be a mother to hundred instead of none.

So there I stood at the railway station to greet my son, who had now grown up to be a man.
Ravi had been a shattered 10 year old when he entered the orphanage. He had lived a life on the streets most of his childhood. I don't remember quite how he came to live with me. But he had trusted me from day one. So he had stayed with me. That was the first time I had been a mother to
a child. There in started a new life for me, Rosa Fernandes, a widow of ten years, still very much in love with her husband. Through Ravi, I became a part of the orphanage in a way which was more than endowing them with my good fortune.

Eventually of course there was a family who came to adopt him. Away he went to the city to be a part of a family. But he never forgot his foster mother.

So there I stood at the railway platform looking a 23 year old young man with a moustache waving at me. I could recognise him from several photographs that he had sent me.
This time the tears wouldn't stop flowing my from my eyes but I refused to blink. I was so proud of him. Proud of what he had become, proud of what he had made me!

Running Scared

2006-05-30T11:50:00.000-05:00

The Scared keep running away,
from the dark clouds in the sky,
from the cold wintry nights,
from the unpleasant thoughts.

The fear keeps following them
like shadow under the hot sun,
like the deep dark secret
embedded inside of their hearts.

There is never any respite,
no sanctuary to be found.
Its not possible to let go
of the fear within.

In the end, its a dead end,
wherein one dares to look,
stare the fear in the face,
only to realize its not to be found.

PS : I was away from the net for the past few days. Hence the lack of postings.. Perhaps this poem is then, quite appropriate :)

Need a little inspiration...

2006-05-16T20:26:00.000-05:00

Saw the Sun today, peeking out of the dark clouds.
A sign of promise of new thoughts and solutions?

Yet its only a mirage, even if I can feel it gleam on me.
I see no answers, just more questions clearer than before.

At least it is a start. Tomorrow there will be sunshine and more.

PS: Boston has had now 7 whole days of cloudy days..when the sunlight beamed this evening, I could hear people in the coffee shop shout..Its the sun..its the sun :)

Enroute to New York

2006-05-15T19:32:00.000-05:00

The suspect is travelling on Fung Wah bus, cheapest and surprisingly reliable way to travel!

The trip was well thoughout yet a bit impulsive. After harassing oneself about unaccountable money loss, unproductive research and unhappy advisor the suspect decided to bolt the scene of crime.

This was aided by an uncle's promise of a free ride back home and delight expressed by the suspect's friends in NY/NJ.

After a long time the suspect finds oneself with tonnes of time on hand and resorts to mundane thoughts.
* Did the desi chap two rows behind notice me? Turns to check out what the owner of sweet voice looks like !
* What is the girl across the aisle listening to on her IPOD? Thoughts about Ipod usually result in a prolonged debate of whether one should buy one. Ends at "not enough money"!
* Where is the rearview mirror in a bus? Is it easier to drive a bus in rain and bad visibility? That train of thought usually ends at the station " glad I did not drive"

The scenery outside is slowly vanishing into darkness. Not that there is much to see, just a lot of trees covered in mist. On second thoughts the tinted windows take all the fun out of it.
At this point the suspect spends several minutes remincing about past bus journeys. The one from Bangalore to Mysore stands out. That route can be (at the right time of the year) spread with lush green sugarcane fields, which are quite pretty.
Don't remember anyone describing the corn fields near Urbana with the same frevour. But that is a price one pays for living in the middle of one instead of passing by it.

The difficulty in writing these words (somewhate sketchily) is quickly disposed off by observing one young lady (at a visible range) drawing with utmost concentration.
One almost feels blessed on these occasions of carrying paper and pen even at the pretext of working!

In due course the mundane thoughts recede to the most vain. At this point the suspect gets back to reading the Adventure of Precious Ramotswe of the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency.

The life apart

2006-05-09T21:37:00.000-05:00

I would come running
If you only signalled
I wouldn't let you down
Not today not tomorrow

Truth be told,
you would never call
I wouldn't come
unbeckoned, unwanted

Two pillars unmovable
We stand apart
from the world,
from each other

And thus we stood
all our lives,
unshaken, unmoved
to become remarkable

The two proud statues
of resolution and bravery
Of thwarting all the wants
and hearts desires

In the end, thats all we are
two pillars of concrete
Apart by two feet of distance,
Together by the years that bond us

PS: These are just random lines, which I fit together, hoped they would make some sense. Sometimes it is fun to play with words; pick a line from here and there put them together and see what you make of it. Almost like cooking;)

Voices in the background

2006-05-08T19:43:00.000-05:00

*dream*

I am in a room full of US Army soldiers. Its a party of some sort. There are bunch of them on the couch and I am standing facing them... explaining why a war is no good.
How it helps no one!

Get up in a shock. Feel like it was a nightmare.

*fast forward*

In the train staring at the other passengers. See this sad dog under the seat of its owner. Has a
patta on its nose. Wonder why?
Figure maybe it has a tendency of licking? Poor thing, Looks out of sorts and a little sad.

*later*

Wonder why people keep pets? Possibly its nice to take care of someone. Someone who wants you just the same always. Just like babies; their love is straighforward and unconditional. Their parents take care of them. Hence they love them.
Babies grown up, become independent. Our pets on the other hand stay with us till the end..ours or theirs.

But aren't animals happier in Wild? Isn't that more natural? Possibly, who knows. Its hard to figure out unless we could start to talking them.

*fast forward*

Its strange, look at us humans! We talk about protecting the envoirnment,animals. We keep them as our pets,take utmost care of them. And then, we go and kill our fellow men for there is no else who will kill us humans. We seem to have taken up the task of creating natural balance via war, bombs, our power struggles.

Who sleeps the best? The powerful man afraid of loosing his control. The man who just had a good meal after earning his daily bread?

Its hard to understand the dichotomy, trichotomy, or the reasoning behind our actions. It seems entirely easy to live at peace with each other. Perhaps it is impossible not to indulge in verbal wars..but if only they stayed verbal and did not involve cutting each other's throats.

*sigh*

Alter ego

2006-04-30T13:38:00.000-05:00

I can be anyone you want
Maybe I am no one you want

I can be the sunshine of your life
I can steal all the sunshine from your life
I can take away the dark clouds
I can make it rain all day through

I can be your friend
One who's always there for you
I can be your worst enemy
One who never leaves you alone

That support you were searching for
It could be my shoulder you cry on
That person you were running from
I could be the one to make you cry

Love me, leave me
Run or hide, escape to the unknown
I will be here always
Inside your mind, Inside your mind.

Being Politically correct.,...

2006-04-29T16:23:00.000-05:00

Was waiting for a friend, hanging out at a Starbucks. With just a coffee and nothing to read with me, I picked up these random pamphlets they had up there.

There was one reading 'Starbucks giving back to the community'.

I think Interesting!
People always say bad things about these corporations, perhaps they do not deserve it. It was cool, about how they were investing in various envoirmental stuff, buying fair trade coffee etc. So far so good.

They had this description in the end...facts and figures of how much stuff they buy, how many people they employ, men women etc... one of these categories was people of color!!

I was just very amused. Amused by the contradiction...

Train of Thought

2006-04-25T22:25:00.000-05:00

Hey baby, I don't wanna be your Superman
I just wanna be your man and I'll be super, baby
You'll be standin' in the sun shine
I'll be standin' right here in the rain
You save me and I will save the day
I think im trying to save the world from you

You've been saving me too
We could just stay in and save each other
Im anything but ordinary

When I find out who I am
I'm gonna know just what to do
When I pull myself together again
I'm gonna give myself to you

I had heard of

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey

and

And I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels

and of course

Meet virginia

But to hear them perform live..and actually be able to see the stage even from the top was ... :)

The seats were bad, so was the acoustics, and the singer's dances abilities is mostly hand waving like mathematicians...
but ..but the music was awesome, the band played good... ! The stage arrangement with lights was beautiful.

I am in awe..perhaps you can tell how few concerts I have seen live.

All the same, if it wasn't midnight I would have considered getting hold of their CD !!!

Eye opener

2006-04-24T21:51:00.000-05:00

Just realized that vision is a strange thing. There are times when I used to think that its a pain not being able to see clearly without my glasses.

Today I saw a different view. I had my glasses off while reading and saw this thing which imagined to be two little dolls with blue dresses at the end of a long stick.

Wore my glasses to discover it was two wires with blue plugs at the end.

Hmm.. its wonderful to see the world with my imagination sometimes :) Its more beautiful that way!

Its all about....

2006-04-20T18:19:00.000-05:00

..who is saying the words and who is listening I think.

Take these lyrics.. from Shiver By Coldplay

On and on from the moment I wake,
To the moment I sleep,
I’ll be there by your side,
Just you try and stop me,
I’ll be waiting in line,
Just to see if you care.

Affections from the quarter you want..its all cute and mushy ...aw this person loves you so much!

Affections from quarter you do not want..and you have the honour of being someone's obsession!

So where is the line between love and obsession drawn?

Some bad poetry...

2006-04-07T20:13:00.000-05:00

... dedicated to a very good man. I finally saw Good night & Good luck...

The streets you wandered
I would like to explore
The thoughts that you had pondered
I would like to hear

I will walk the path
And tread that you trod

The lives that inspired you
The lives that inspire me
The life you aspired to
The life I aspire to

I will learn to live it
Just as you lived it

Snapshot

2006-04-07T09:34:00.000-05:00

A shadow was trudging down the alleyway. The lighting was minimal and the shadow was wavering. The figure stopped below the light bulb and the shadow disappeared. His appearance described him completely. There was a tiny bottle in his hand, a steel mug in the other which he was waving about. It was hard to decide whether he had any control on which direction the mug was going. Everything about him was in slow motion. He had huge tattered coat wrapped around him. You could smell him from a distance. Him and his liqour. His eyes were half shut. You could tell by his appearance that he hadn't food for days, and yet it was his size which made you question your conclusion.

The shadow started ambling toward me again. Relative to my brisk pace he looked still. I paused a moment and shuffled my purse for coins. I dropped a quarter and was on my way when I saw his eyelids flicker. His eyes opened a tad, and did I see a recoginition in them?

A Kodak moment? I must be joking, yet I see no one laughing!

Overheard

2006-04-05T21:01:00.000-05:00

"If their childern are getting so fat that they cannot get into child seats. They should just tie them to the back of the car and make them run behind!!!"

Very Offensive I must add, which is probably why I was amused that anyone should say that!

I finally succumb...

2006-03-27T21:07:00.000-06:00

to writing some poetry. I will go ahead and disgrace myself here, after all I have been prosing for so long that a change might be good.. you might even get a hearty laugh out of this pretension.

And to those of you thinking that these disclaimers are really me fishing for compliments I have to tell you that you are right! I will take everything and anything... compliments and critic..:) Ok..brace yourself..here goes

Would you make me beg you?
for those kind words
for those minutes of sanity
before I move into the unfeeling world.

Would you deprive me
of those stolen moments
of the small memories
before the reality takes over

Would you not turn around,
my friend and say goodbye?
Just one glance, one look
to keep me company
on my journey away from you.

PS: For anybody who wonders about the inspiration, perspiration or aspirations behind this poem. I have to tell you honestly, none. One afternoon, work refuses to get done..intense boredom takes over and I feel like poeting.. Sure I am bad it, but when has that ever stopped me from posting?

Moments

2006-03-25T21:30:00.000-06:00

Just watched my favourite scene from My Best Friend's Wedding. Its when Michael goes on a boat ride with Julianne. He is discussing with her how they both rarely used the word love in their relationships with other people. And then he says "
Kimmy says if you really love someone you say it loud.. otherwise ..."
Julianne completes it for him "..otherwise the moment just passes you by.." During this scene the boat is going under the bridge so its in shadow and Juliannes eyes are brimming with tears. As she says the words the boat comes out from under the bridge into the light. Love the scene.

Its not the just love, a lot of things in life are momentous. Its about reacting correctly at the right moment. Or realzing what it is that you want at the moment when you want to make your decision.

If one thinks back, there are these "life changing moments". At that point of time we hardly even notice them, Its when they are gone we feel that something important just happened.

If you love someone, say it then and there. If you want to take up that job, don't dwell on it. Just accept it. When you want to make the move go ahead and do it. Once the moment has past, there is not much you can do the make it happen again.

This is not a reminder of all things that could have been, but all things that could be!

Pyar Ishq Mohabbat aur Zindagi

2006-03-23T20:38:00.000-06:00

Kambhakth ishq hai jo
Sara Jahan hai woh
Kab aata hai Kab jaata hai....
Par rahta hai jab tak yeh kabhakth jannat dikhata hai

Sunayana could not sleep. She just could not get her mind off him. They had been in the same college for three years now. But suddenly something had changed. Everytime she saw him or talked to him, her heart did a thousand leaps. The whole world brightened up. Gone were her thoughts about war, poverty, homelessness. There were no worries in her world. He on the other hand she thought looked a little out of sorts.
The stubble made him look good. But it was difficult to ignore the lines of worry on his forehead.

Jane yeh kaisi aag lagi hai.
Isme dhuan na chingari
Ho na ho is baar koi khwab jala hai seene mein.

Ravi tossed and turned in his bed. He could hear voices from his parent's bedroom.
He felt so helpless. He was in the last year of engineering and they were running out of money to pay for his education. Baba had lost his job. The company had shut down suddenly and at his age it seemed impossible to get another job. He had two younger siblings, still in high school. There was just another year to go and his parents wanted him to finish. He felt like he should quit degree college and get a job. Any job would probably help them at this point. His parents on the other hand were trying to convince him that they had enough savings to get through another year. He was sure they were lying.

mere dil ko yeh kya ho gaya
main na janu kahan kho gaya
kyun lage ki din mein bhi raat hai
dhup mein bhi barsaat hai
aisa kyun hota hai baar baar
kya isko hi kahte hain pyar

Sunayana was on the seventh heaven. She had met Ravi in the hallway. He said he would like to talk to her in the afternoon after class. He had asked her looking very nervous whether she would meet him for a cup of tea. She had agreed most readily.
She realized she was counting minutes to this meeting, feeling nervous and delirious both at the same time.

Ishq hota nahi sabhi ke liye..
yeh bana hai yeh bana hai kisi kisi ke liye...

Ravi spent the time in class dreading his meeting with Sunayana. She was the closest thing he had to a friend and he was sure she would understand. He wondered what this meant for both of them. If only things were different, he could have asked her to marry him. She had big ideals, about how she would be a social activist and help the poor after she finished her graduation. He felt sad that he could not be a part of her ideals. His life was taking a different direction.

Mar gaye ishq mein aashiq kitne
aashiq baniyo na....
ishq kabhi kariyo na...

Sunayana felt like her life had fallen apart. She felt bitter. And yet she couldn't be angry with anyone. Ravi was leaving college. He had found a job in Dubai. It was a clerical job. She was sure he could get a better paying job but he was in no position
to bargain. She felt cheated. It wasn't Ravi's fault that his family was broke. She wished she could have helped him in a different way. But what could she do? She was from a middle class family herself. She had worked hard to get this merit seat, and her parents were just about able to pay for her education. She suggested that Ravi should take a loan and finish his studies. But he said that their finances were in such a poor state that it was impossible to manage even with a loan.

mann yeh baanwara
tujh bin maane na
dhunde raat din kya baanwara

As he walked out of her life that day Ravi had a hollow feeling. Sure they could keep in touch. They were still young and had time on their hands.
They both knew that was never going to work out. Ravi had to look after his siblings and Sunayana had to still build her life. Perhaps they still had hope. Maybe in 10-15 years time they could be together. Maybe she join him in Dubai. Maybe he would come back in couple of years after making a lot of money.

Hazaron Khwaahishen aisi ke har khwaahish pe dam nikale
Bahut nikale mere armaan lekin phir bhi kam nikale.

Romance and Reality

2006-03-20T18:53:00.000-06:00

This post is slightly inspired from Casa's or at least smells the same!

Over the weekend I saw Before Sunrise and Before Sunset starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delphy. And I spent half of the time agreeing with most things they said especially Julie delphy's character in the sequel.

For the uninformed ( ok that is just to get people started..:)) Before Sunrise was this (fairly mushy as I realize now) movie aboout two strangers who meet on the train and spend the next 20 hrs (perhaps?) talking to each other and falling in love with each other. This movie was made in 1995 and I think I saw it about 7-8 years ago, the movie impressed me with its simplicity. And the idea of two strangers getting along so well with each other jelled with me. I still love that movie.

But it was the sequel which made me realize how much I had changed. At the end of the first one they promise to meet each other after six months at the same place (dont bother to exchange phone numbers etc). The sequel was in fact made 9 years later and was about them meeting each other after 9 years. They couldn't meet after six months. But the connection was still there. Anyway, years had taken their toll, they were now older and somehow less romantic and more cynical.

Especially Julie Delphy's character. She talks about how she really felt detached from everything around her etc.. and how often have I felt that way. No, there was no stranger on the train..or a romance that could have been. Its just that life happened. Its like that rock on the sea shore I saw the other day, all that salt water hitting it slowly makes it loose its edge. The rock probably doesn't even realise what is happening until years are gone by and the change is sharp.

No, I am not a bitter depressed manaic....but how I love that movie. For being honest in a strange way. Perhaps its just me who relates to it so. OR perhaps you will too if you watch it.

The Angle

2006-03-19T18:53:00.000-06:00

" Look at her. In that crimson red saree she looks her best. And what am I wearing? The same old simple salwaar kameez? Why didn't I dress up a little bit more? How could I forget that Rani would be look ravishing as ever? Perhaps Nikhil is right now wishing he was married to her after all. Look at her laughing and talking to him " Neha thought to herself. Next minute she was scolding herself " But she didn't want him did she? While I have been in love with Nikhil all my life. And yet why am I always worrying? He's mine for life now, na?"

Just then Nikhil moved across the room to talk to her to discuss their plan of action for the evening.

" They both look so happy together" thought Rani. " Maybe I should not have refused him." He was after all the most handsome guy in her school. They would have made the perfect couple. The beauty queen and the prince of school.
" What's the use in this line of thought. Aren't I happy with Rahul? So what he is a bespectacled serious guy, who prefers books to movies." Hadn't she always been in love with him? Running around him in school, pretending to have difficulties with homework just to seek his help.

As Neha turned to go talk to their hostess , Nikhil looked around the room. He saw Rani taking Rahul's spectacles and wiping them up for him.
" Look at her. Treating him like a baby. Isn't it just like her. " He was reminded of all the time in life when he had been jealous of this very act. How he had convinced himself that no girl could ever refuse him. He always felt strange being in the same room with the woman he had been in love with for the first 25 years of his life and the woman he had promised to love rest of his life. He wondered why they weren't the same woman. Then he turned to see Neha in deep thought break into a big smile when he looked at her. " Why wasn't I in love with my wife all my life? All those heartaches and troubles we could have avoided."

Rahul looked at his wife, fussing over him and felt blessed. "Whatever made her fall in love with the most boring boy in school, he would never know." Spontaneously he took her hand and squeezed it, as if to tell her how precious she was to him. Rani flushed and then whispered into his ears, " I am glad you are with me"

Neha saw the exchange and felt the eyes of Nikhil on her. All she saw there was love.. no deceit and thought "How can I but be in love with this man always?"

A Drop of Sweat

2006-03-13T21:22:00.000-06:00

I travel downward as he frowns. Gravity pulls me down and I fall with a thud. Part of me is stuck on to the ends of his shirt. As I splash, I grasp the warm air in the hope that it will carry me forth.

In seconds, I evaporate into the air, warmed by the hot mid-day sun. And I am free. I spread around,
in all directions, free like a bird. My wings are every where. I am floating in the air.
Its wonderful for a few minutes, and then I feel myself dissipating, becoming one with the atmosphere.

Will I be ever able to gather myself? There is no time to think....

Email story: finale (no real surprises)

2006-03-11T22:10:00.000-06:00

Date: Wed, 7 Jan 2004 08:03:57 +0530
From: "Mythili Rangaswami" mranga@yahoo.com
To: "Sumitra Narsmihan" sumi_narsimhan@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: venkatiah

yep, for both, ramesh is a good guy and venky still doesnt watch desi movies. but i have convinced him to go for Kal ho na ho with me. I know, i know.. we have seen it on video.. par yaar its still running in the theaters.
Btw our dear venky has finally decided on a girl! He claims he really likes her, but thinks shes not interested, quite crestfallen he is. I told him its no big deal yaar, happens in arranged marraige par pata nahi he seems set on this one!
i was thinking ki even talking to Ramesh a few times, agar we decide not to get married, i wont feel bad like that.

anyway, i believe SRK will make it all ok :)

love
mythi

Date: Thu, 8 Jan 2004 22:57:19 -0600
From: "Sumitra Narsmihan" sumi_narsimhan@hotmail.com
To:"Mythili Rangaswami "mranga@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: venkatiah

Sorry mythee, am real tied up yeh week. What with this being Prashant's last week of break and deadlines next week at work.. So will mail you back after dude is gone back to Midwest.

Sumi

Date: Sat, 10 Jan 2004 10:30:19 +0530
From: "Mythili Rangaswami" mranga@yahoo.com
To: "Sumitra Narsmihan" sumi_narsimhan@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: venkatiah

that's ok re. meeting ramesh again today. he is nice. and then will go with srini tomorrow to see Venky off at the airport. so will mail you in a few days.

mythi

Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2004 03:15:45 +0530
From: "Mythili Rangaswami" mranga@yahoo.com
To: "Sumitra Narsmihan" sumi_narsimhan@hotmail.com
Subject: CALL ME

arre I tried your cell, but you are probably at work. call me when you get my email..
am desperate.. can't sleep. I did the most outrageous thing. venky asked me if I would marry him, and I said yes..
we had like this three minute conversation when we went to get coffee for everyone.
i dont know why I said yes.. what will i tell my parents now? and ramesh??
oh sumi, please call.. i am sleeping rather not sleeping with the cordless next to me..so you wont disturb anyone.
apparently he meant me when he said that he liked this girl.. stupid me..didnt take the hint!! and now i said yes, i think i would like being married to him..but what a mess. and i wont even hear from him for next 20 hrs..don't know if we are really on any commitment here!!!

CALL PLEASE
mythee

Island

2006-03-07T09:44:00.000-06:00

I have been on this island for a while now. I have a small raft on which I can go fishing.

Everyday I wait, for that big ship to pass by, blowing its horns. I have learnt to build fire, and have these coconut like things which burst into the flames. I have thus a perfect system to catch the passerby's eyes.

I was on a small boat once, it was definitely seaworthy, but I had not taken time enough to check if the base was indeed solid. So no surprise that it capsized very quickly. It was kind enough to sink near an island. An island I can swim to, I can find shelter and food at.

Like I said, I have a small raft (constructed from my boat remains), somedays when the weather is nice, I venture into the calm seas, soak in all the warm air. But I rush back lest I should miss sighting that big ship, and miss my chance.

Sometimes I wonder though, is this waiting worth it. Should I just not make home here on this island, which has been ever so kind to me? Its a passing thought, cause come the light of dawn I am there again, at the shore, waiting!

PS: I have been reading Life of Pi for the past few days (actually a month now!)..hence the boat the water :)

Mathematically speaking

2006-03-02T20:03:00.000-06:00

There is platonic love and then there is physical attraction. I feel am in love with every person who speaks a few kind words to me, who makes me feel good. At the same time I can be attracted to very unknown strangers on the big screen.

Yet there are so many people who confuse the two. Some thing is love is just physical attraction..and then there are those who think its just platonic (hypothetically speaking :)).
I suppose when you mix the two you get a happy marraige.

Its all very simple really, you have two equations and you have two very random variables and in a linear (read sane!) world there is one and exactly one solution.

Idol..izing

2006-02-26T08:52:00.000-06:00

Americas 2004..

One boring winter evening, me and my roomie discover that we get FOX TV without cable!( We didn't have cable and didnt use our tvs but for watching movies via vcr). We decide to check out American Idol. "Too much drama.. and these preliminary stuff is boring!"

We watch it next week just the same :) And the next week..and so on.. till we start rooting for Bo Bice! That rocker could rock the stage. And there was this other guy who had awesome charisma, and this music teacher who sang awesome ( Ok I am biased towards guys! what to do?). Of course Carrie won, she sang well..So fine. Even though I would have voted for Bo.

India 2004.

So I hear that there is an Indian Idol. Who won? The final two were too good, and it was all based on looks. Then I hear Abhijeet Sawant and Amit Sana on desi-radio..dunno who became the idol but Abhijeet Sawant can sure sing! After hearing Lafzon mein, am convinced looks or no looks he deserved that Idol prize!

Americas 2005..
Have caught a few episodes...but the finals have only now began...

India 2005
Accidently I discover some Indian Idol 2 episodes online. This is piano round. Here comes a Abhishek Bacchan resembling chap ( only resembling ok no one can look as good as Abhishek!!!.. ) from hydy. And this chap starts off singing the Punju song from Chalte Chalte "Layi vi na gayi" and am spell bound.. I am no music expert.but that boy can real sing well. I checked out
all the videoes yesterday (ok.. really had nothing to do..:) ) A little over-confident perhaps but good. Then there is Amey Date ( and if you have ever seen Sa re ga ma and various Suresh Wadkar students.. you know he is good!)
The two girls surviving, Meenal Jain and Antara Mitra can sing well. Again Antara is from a small town with a strong bangla accent working real hard.

The sad part is Karunya is not getting as many votes..possibly cause people dont watch this stuff so much in south? If you are in des-land...please vote for him.. on my behalf !!

Email Story : Part III (soon to end I promise:) )

2006-02-25T15:56:00.000-06:00

continued from " Email Story Part II "

Date: Thu, 1 Jan 2004 12:56:31 -0600
From: "Sumitra Narsmihan" sumi_narsimhan@hotmail.com
To:"Mythili Rangaswami "mranga@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: venkatiah

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Just got up! We went to play pool last night. All those places were having some championships. So ended up back home, junta felt very senti about not doing anything. So we danced :) Kya contrast hai, you go to a discotheque to dance, we dance at home.
Btw I am rolling with laughter imagining Venkatiah (urf venky!). You remember the mama's boy who used to sit in front of us. I was telling Prashant about him and how we used to torture him!

So what's up with this Vineet thing then? I know long distance can be tough. But you know I am in one. Me and Prashant meet once in two months usually na? Of course dude has been crashing here all this month. But of course with junta coming here at random hours my dear hubby has to behave himself :)

Chal dishes beckon me. Prashant cooked all week, at least I can do the dishes.

love
Sumi

Date: Sat, 3 Jan 2004 10:20:15 +0530
From: "Mythili Rangaswami" mranga@yahoo.com
To: "Sumitra Narsmihan" sumi_narsimhan@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: venkatiah

sumi,

arre how is your dear hubby? give him my love (even if he doesn't want it!). agar main hoti, I would crash at your place all the time..just to trouble him.
Ya that Vineet thing is a flop. Am meeting one Mr Ramesh today. He is a doctor or he is still doing his residency in the americas. So lets see. Please remind me again what pluses did I see in this arranged marraige thing? I know I have been arguing for it all our lives. And now am getting cold feet!

waise you and prashant thing is different re. Your parents were friends. And you have known him for kya 6 years now? from NYSS time? And married for 2 years at least na? S o how can it be the same? Its like a arranged cum love marriage. apne aise naseeb kahan.

I was telling amma, why they couldnt have some nice friends like that, with nice sons. So there appears my Mr Ramesh Rajgopal. He is a friend/acquaintance of srini anna. So lets see he must be 2 years elder to us.

ok chal then, have to go shopping with bhabhi and manni. I still don't know why I started calling kartik, bhaiya while I call srini anna. I sure had some confused parents who taught me that!

love
mythi

Date: Sat, 3 Jan 2004 10:22:17 -0600
From: "Sumitra Narsmihan" sumi_narsimhan@hotmail.com
To:"Mythili Rangaswami "mranga@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: venkatiah

Mythi,

Prash passes his love to you , the little that he can spare from me :) He says he does have some left for you, inspite of you pulling his leg over thanksgiving break.

Ramesh haan? Ok girl, you have your fun. You know am no fan of arranged marriage. But if thats what you want to do. Go ahead! Waise your parents must be thrilled na? I guess they musn't have been expecting this.

Aur kya? Nothing much is new here. Prashant has to leave next week, so we are thinking to spend some money and catch a Broadway play before. Don't know last minute mein koi tickets milega kya!

Chal then,
Sumi.

Date: Sun, 4 Jan 2004 10:20:15 +0530
From: "Mythili Rangaswami" mranga@yahoo.com
To: "Sumitra Narsmihan" sumi_narsimhan@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: venkatiah

arre that Ramesh chap is not all that bad. I actually liked talking to him. Hes as big a fan of hindi movies as I! We are planning to watch a movie today evening.
and hes all cool. Quite open about his views. Entirely thrilled :) Can you see me grinning?

By the way our dark past has come back to haunt me in the form of venky!
Usne sidey ne apne mom ke samne sunaya ki how you and me used to trouble him. That we would throw chalks at him. And tease him about being mama's boy :(

So I told aunty, that her son keeps grudges, which is why he is embarasing me now!!
His mom was so cool about it. She said, he just is trying to prove that he isn't a coward anymore :) Woh log aaj subah aaye the. mr venky had gone ponna pakkal with his parents. I didnt ask for details. Its shameful, to do social visiting when you go to meet a girl and all. But apparently there was some confusion with time and they came to Ghatkopar way too early and since they were on East anyway, Venky suggested they drop by. I told Venky exactly what I thought of that. For which he shrugged and said Its all good.. khair jaanede. I am upset with him.

phone ringing.. probably venky to say sorry.. YA right.. am just expecting too much!

love
mythi

Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2004 5:13:34 -0600
From: "Sumitra Narsmihan" sumi_narsimhan@hotmail.com
To:"Mythili Rangaswami "mranga@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: venkatiah

Ramesh sounds like a good guy. You should meet him as often as you can whiel you are there. Waise you must have made up your mind when he said lets go watch a SRK movie :) Arre does Venky still not watch any TV and movies? because they are such a waste of time?

There you go I gave you another reason to fight with him :)

love
sumi

to be continued...

Part II Email Story

2006-02-24T21:19:00.000-06:00

continued from " "Email Story I "

Date: Sun, 28 Dec 2003 22:30:45 -0600
From: "Sumitra Narsmihan" sumi_narsimhan@hotmail.com
To:"Mythili Rangaswami "mranga@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: venkatiah

What no reply? Better write before I am convinced you have become a myth!

Sumi

Date: Mon, 29 Dec 2003 12:23:12 +0530
From: "Mythili Rangaswami " mranga@yahoo.com
To: "Sumitra Narsmihan " sumi_narsimhan@hotmail.com
Subject:

sumi,
arre kuch nahi, got stuck with meeting guys and all. Still think this whole process is silly yaar. Met one guy on Thursday, Vineet. He is a software engineer. But he is in Bangalore, he visits US often on Infosys jobs. I don't even know why we are both considering each other. It doesn't makes sense. I will be in Americas for at least a few years.. and arranged marraige mein who wants a long distance relation?

And then he gave me some fundaes about how his mom will always be right, and that he can never go against his parents wishes. What the hell is he talking about? Matlab aise wierd conditions mein koi kyun shaadi karega? I am not expecting to fight with his mother, she seemed like the sweetest woman, but phir bhi? What century is that guy in? The more they become westernized, the more conservative they become seems like!

Venky was telling me that he has already met two girls, and it didnt work out. But hes so cool about all that. He says they have these chats and if things don't seem to be working, you just decide then and there to let it be. WHat a great start? I mean if you don't want even start with some meeting ground, where does he expect it will end?

Anyway, so talked a few more times with Vineet saheb, but dont look like it will work out :(

Sahi hai you guys saw movies and all. And no my bro is no SRK fan, refuses to even come for Munnabhai. He doesn't watch anything other than documentaries on NG. What a bore ! I don't know uska love marraige kaise hua. That guy hardly ever speaks to anyone. Even to Simi bhabhi now!

love
me ( haha, thats what I ask these guys I meet.. love me..:) )

Date: Tue, 30 Dec 2003 9:29:31 -0600
From: "Sumitra Narsmihan" sumi_narsimhan@hotmail.com
To:"Mythili Rangaswami "mranga@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: venkatiah

Dear Mythee,
BAck to the working grind. These IT people even don't know how to distribute holidays. Thinking of taking a break and going to Calif with Prashant. He still has his winter break going on. These MBA's first pay through their nose for schooling and the world pays through their nose for educating them. He already has two job offers!

Don't worry about all this arranged marriage thing re. Why are you doing this yaar?
Your parents should be quite open to love marraige after two in your family and you are only 24! There is lots of time to fall in love.

On the other hand if you want to go through with this, you are right, stop seeing this Vineet guy. And what? are you and venky exchanging notes? Venky haan? I don't remember anyone calling him that in junior college!

Well boss entered. Better get back to work.

love
Sumi

Date: Thu, 1 Jan 2003 5:44:36 +0530
From: "Mythili Rangaswami" mranga@yahoo.com
To: "Sumitra Narsmihan" sumi_narsimhan@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: venkatiah

HAppy NEW YEAR!!
Guess what I did? I went to a disco here, with my bros, bhabhis, would be bhabis, Venky and his sister.
We danced all night. I had a real New Year Party. Junta in India has really transformmed. I would never have done that in the US. In last two and a half years we have been to the bar kya, a couple of times?
It was crazy. Oh and let me tell you Venkatiah can really dance good. Never expected that!!
Anyway, uski sis kafi cool hai. She is elder to him, doesn't want to get married ever or so she claims. Apparently thats an issue he has to deal with in this arranged marraige context. Although, dunno why anyone should care. She is the epitome of feminism. She is a journalist in the Indian Express. I became totally fida on her.
She was making fun of Venky all the time for being such a good boy etc. Gulty boy gets teased about making money out his marraige all the time.

So what did you guys do for new years? Actually its not new year yet there I guess.
So whats the plan?

mythe

To be continued

Ramblings

2006-02-21T19:46:00.000-06:00

Walking towards my office from the coffee shop I looked around.
Every city has a character of its own. People dress differently here from the Midwest. They just don't seem to dress all that brightly here as in the Midwest. All dark coats, grey and black.. smart looking men and women. But no bright colours.

Then splash! Actually it was Whoosh! The truck past me sprayed a whole lot of dust on me. " And dust," All big cities have their share of dust and wind.
The daily routine is such that I walk a lot and think a lot about what I want to write.
Except I never get around to writing it.

I really like to write. But its not writing, I really love to think out loud. Put it out there for some listening ear to catch it. But really, I don't even want to think out loud. How wonderful it would be if I could transmit my thoughts.

I would just think " Loud" and then ramble on into the universe. Some kind soul would happen to say at that time " Listen" and would hear my comic narrations (even if I say so myself!) And then when I get bored with thinking, I would switch to " Listen" and tune into somebodys thoughts. Neat....

Sigh! and what a beautiful dream it was , chaotic perhaps but beautiful all the same :)

Say a little prayer

2006-02-15T16:03:00.000-06:00

You know you are in trouble when you read the sign on a door saying " dept of so and so...Welding lab " as "Wedding lab!". It almost makes me sound lonely and desperate.. I say almost, cause in reality am not desperate, lonely..yes.. and that is just due to being a strange city.

Anyway, I have my own solution to all this. Like every good human being, I pray every night for all the wars to end..good things happen to good people. And then I have a secret prayer of my own.. which namely seeks a few miracles, like a husband, two children, a doctrate, a job at a univ in India..( I figured asking for a house to add to that list is way too much, some restraint is due even with greed!) appear lo and behold next morning..

Every night, oh god I say a little prayer for me :)

Derivatives in Real Life

2006-02-12T21:00:00.000-06:00

We derive inspiration from those around us.

We derive our aspirations from what is around us.

We derive pleasure from our surroundings.

We are the derivatives of our familiy's hopes and fears. (so, Mike and the Mechanics tell me in the Living Years!)

Whence do I belong?

2006-02-10T17:56:00.000-06:00

There are two ways to kinds of travellers in this world (very soon I will outdo no of times Amitabh says in Hum, "do tarah ke cockroach hote hain..." )

There are those who do in Rome as Romans do. There are those who are a Roman no matter where they are !

Its hard to decide which is the better way. Probably the best one can say is that there is no better way!

As an Indian in India (who has never been anywhere much ) I had a certain impressions Indians from America visiting India. " Why do they have to be so American? Why do they say fast instead of faast? Why do they need toilet paper and Bisleri everywhere they go?"

As a legal non-resident alien in America ( I mean the United States really!) I have another impression of Indians in America. I think " why are they so Indian? Why don't they mingle more? The same old gatherings, where you might see one or two Americans? Still adhering to same old traditions"

Ya ya, I am stereotyping here, but its really only an impression, a feeling , not completely without grounds !

So then I wonder, who am I? Am I an Indian? I defintely say fast more often than faast. I try to fit in somewhat but still am stuck to age old conservatives, which are derivatives of being an Indian.

I am afraid I am caught in a time warp. I am afraid by the time I am settled here, I will be going back to my home country. I am afraid that by the nothing will be hte same there. It already isn't.

So there is no escaping the truth. I am an Indian in the Americas!

Money Money Money...

2006-02-09T21:04:00.000-06:00

" Must be funny in the rich man's world!" sing Abba.

I realised that I will always poor. I have a middle class mentality. Why?
So I overheard (actually I could have been a part.. but ever so often I have nothing to say!) a conversation about someone buying a friend a pair of jeans worth 150 dollars. Someone who probably makes a little bit more than me possibly. I realized that even if I was a millionaire I could never buy really expensive clothes.

Sure, I can imagine buying an expensive gift, but designer clothes just dont sound right to me! I can still remember that I had once recieved a 1000 rupee scholarship, and decided I will buy myself a really expensive salwaar kameez. I had to make my friends take me to expensive stores. And it took me a whole lot of effort to buy that dress. I still have it of course, and it was totally worth it. (this was a few years ago when 1000 rupees was worth much more!).

I suppose everybody has his/her taste for expensive things. I can really spend on buying gifts, buying electronics, something random on a whimsy, CDs, etc.
But still I think I will never be rich!

H two O

2006-02-08T20:09:00.000-06:00

Flowing river has a strange calming effect. As I watch past huge tables, through the high windows of the library, into the slowly treading waters of Boston, shinning bright in the sunshine, I feel at peace.

I wonder how water flowing down the mountains through Ganga looks ever consuming, while the small stream trickling off the mountains at khandala tempt you to get wet without fear.

Have had these strange feeling at times when I stare at huge chunk of water of being drawn into it, the feeling is over-powering. Perhaps humans were really meant to be amphibians, perhaps we moved way too inland.

Sad then that I cannot swim (inspite of taking classes), sad that I never learnt to sail a boat or walk into the ocean and let the waves tease me.

No, life is not short enough that these dreams are never realised. But I kind of understand those few who do indulge in taking the plunge.

Pastries, cheese and coffee

2006-02-07T19:12:00.000-06:00

These are things I crave for. Smell and sight of certain food have an ability of numbing the practical mind.

But why is it so often that the taste doesn't live upto the smell of it? Coffee never tastes as good, even though I am into becoming an addict soon.
How come pastries, which look beautiful as you dream about them ( inspite of most of dreams these days involving a warmer room , I do day dream occasionally about other things!) very rarely taste as good.

On the other hands, one can remember the taste of best dessert one had, or the taste of the spiciest food. The flavour lingers on. And you can recall it whenever you want to, with no bad aftertastes!

Life is like that, very much close to what Mr Steele says in the conversation posted before. Not everything is upto our expectations, and then there are those cherished times, which stay with us always!

weathering heights

2006-02-06T18:53:00.000-06:00

Its insanely cold out.. Its cold in my room.. :( Change of cities, no change in weather but its almost a new life.
Its like being back in Bombay again, travelling half hr for work. Except its cooooooold..
Change in life is expected. But expected or unexpected its hard to accept.. at least for me..but then, every time after the first few days of complaining I settle down and hate to leave.
Thats probably a pattern hard to change, I would rather crib now than hate living here always :) If you didnt realize by now, its really cold out and am wrapped up in blankets while writing this....The sunny bright days though decieving are most welcome.

self

2006-01-28T23:13:00.000-06:00

Its the first time that I have deleted a post on this blog because I didn't like what I wrote. So anyone who might have happened to have read it over the last 24 hours, knows what am talking about..

It was a moment of weakness, a moment of self obsessing. And now when I read it, its entirely repulsive. Its kind of strange that
* Being positive about self is good, but you shouldn't be snooty about it.
* looking into oneself is good, but being self centered is not.
* being in love with one's personality isn't bad at all, but stop being narcsisitic.

And then I wonder about all this morality business.. Why did I get disgusted with my momentary self obsession? Why do I think its wrong or distasteful?
Eventually every action is really selfish in its own way or selfless, its how you percieve it and how directly you stand to gain..

ps : i still love my haircut though..:)

Steeling away :)

2006-01-27T00:22:00.000-06:00

Steele :"Look Laura, There are only two ways to go through life. Like you, the mathematics student, expecting to find your universe in perfect working order, demanding too much of yourself and everyone around you finding yourself disappointed at every turn.

Or like me, the wanderer, entitled to nothing, not even parents. Finding myself surprised when something does go right or somebody pats me on the back instead of kicking me on the teeth "

Laura:" Where do you get the strength to try when you don't think you'll succeed ?"

Steele :"And where do find the strength to pick yourself up time and time again when you let yourself down?"

Laura:"I believe in myself"

Steele: " And I believe in whoever I am at the moment. And when that doesn't work anymore I become someone else!"

Laura:"Teach me that and we can run away from all this mess"

Steele: " I was hoping you would teach me to stand up and fight"

Have to tell you there is more to Remington Steele than meets the eye:)

PS : When I couldn't come up with anything intelligble, I begged, borrowed and STEELED...

Still stuck on movies

2006-01-27T00:16:00.000-06:00

My alltime favourite movie is "Before Sunrise". The idea is exteremely romantic and far fetched, two strangers meeting in the train and hitting it off straight away.
The movie is about the one day they spend together, Ethan Hawke playing an American on Europe trip. And Julie Delphy on her way back to work meet on the train and Julie agrees to take off with Ethan to roam Vienna..
The whole movie is a bunch of interesting conversations. I just loved the movie, I can still remember a lot of things they talked about. In todays time, it could be a blog.
Don't think my friends liked it as much. But if you are a romantic at heart and love to listen.. this is a good watch:)

Interestingly the two actors got back together after 10 years to make the sequel before sunset. Its real time in terms of movie, which is cool. The ending is slightly disappointing. But there never can be a good ending to such stories.

Don't know why I was reminded of this movie but there you go.

Lets go to the movies

2006-01-25T19:13:00.000-06:00

Do I have to write about every movie I watch? No definetely not.

Whether I will? Guess guess!! (tell no gopi tell no.. for anyone who might have seen Gopi Kishan!)

I would love to share with you all two movies I saw recently.. ( aah I can see people really brightening up to read this post now :) )
The Squid and the Whale
Its a two hour movie about a year in the life of a couple who are breaking up. So what's new about that? The couple has been married 16 years or something, have a 14 and a 9 year old offspring.
My two cents, worth a watch on afterthoughts. Immediately after the movie I could only feel depressed ( its too realistic!) and angry that how can people be so self-centered what kind of example they are setting their children?
On second thoughts, it makes you realize how much our parents really influence us in the way we think? All of our lives we try to be different from them, and yet we are so much a part of them! (more than just literally!) Good job by all actors!
Warning! Don't expect an ending, with such a storyline.. there is no ending!

Up Close and Personal

Very mush mush, not really my kind of movie. Yet I loved it!
Its the usual storyline, rags to riches, falling in love with mentor, marrying him..etc
What was good? It was about reporters. I almost wished I had been brave enough to become a journalist. On second thoughts, I suppose if I really wanted it I would have done it. Its hard to know when you are making these choices though! BTW thats partly what made me love the movie. Its really about television reporting, buts its all good :)
Another plus is the chemistry between Robert Redford and Michelle Pfiefer (probably spelt it wrong!). Its wonderful when a couple can be on the same page, all along in their relationship. Very refereshing to watch about a couple who doesn't spend time feeling insecure about each other.. (guess that just wasn't the point of the movie :))

Ok, I now sigh with relief for penning it down. Been thinking about this for a few days now. Is this a blog or a confessional? or what? :)

Ramblings

2006-01-24T16:41:00.000-06:00

* I think Spider man is extremely realistic. Why else would it take a guy superhuman strength to profess his love?

* Is infatuation the first step towards falling in love? If so, why do people try to nip teenage love in the bud?

* I saw the graduate recently. My friend had told me that I wouldn't like it :) I can tell him proudly that inspite of the story, I loved the movie direction and great execution of good dialogues.. So as a matter of fact, I liked it !

* There are some songs which I like without really getting what the person is trying to say in the song. And then someday something happens, the song flashes back and I am totally feeling the song !!!
An example, take this song written by Joni Mitchell, i have only heard hte version sung by Paul young and Clannad.

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons ev’rywhere
I’ve looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on ev’ryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It’s cloud illusions I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As ev’ry fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way

But now it’s just another show
You leave ’em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away

I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed
Well something’s lost, but something’s gained
In living ev’ry day

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all
I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

Fantasy

2006-01-22T22:02:00.000-06:00

This huge craving I have for sweets results in me going to the halwai dukkan every day. Day in day out visiting leads to love of course. Before you know I am married to my dear motu halwai. I can imagine what happens ten years hence. He has a huge belly, he has a definitely a huge mustache. I sit at the counter looking after the finances (after all the math has to be used somewhere!).

In the mornings before the shop opens I stare at him lovingly, my motu halwai, stirring the huge kadhai filled with ghee. I will pour the besan while he stirs the liquid mixture.
Then there they will be, perfect mysore paks like mom makes.

In the afternoon, the shop closes for an hour. I make fresh chappatis for him. We will have a good meal, shared in silence. And then he presents me with a new sweet he has made. He puts the first piece ever tasted into my mouth. I critically assess it, and as always its perfect.

Around 4 the schools will end. In among other children who will pour in to buy sweetmeats, come in our children, chunnu, munni, gulu, nilu, vinu and sonu.
I will take them into the kitchen, serve them lunch. Then of course, they will also be included in partaking of the new sweet.

Evenings, the shop would be run completely by my dear motu halwai, while I look after the children.

Finally its night. After cleaning up, as we lay down to sleep, I remember the taste of the mithai I had in the afternoon. Tired and happy I sleep like a log waiting for another day to come :)

getting old

2006-01-21T01:19:00.001-06:00

Lately realize that lot of people complain about being old. People in their late twenties complain about nearing thirties. People in their thirties complain about being in their thirties and so on..

I was trying to remember when was it that I was totally thrilled to be getting older.. perhaps the first 20 years of my life. They were a bliss. In school it would be fun going into new class and I loved getting new textbooks, new stories in the english book to read ( sure I was bookish then like always!) . First day of the school of the new year was always exciting, then rest of the year one could look forward to the summer holidays. Growing up was fun.

20-25 just disappeared, I actually forgot what my age was for a few years. Had to think everytime somebody asked me how old I was! Quite funny actually. Its a nice time when there is so much to look ahead too, see your future takings shaping.

After 25 for some reason things just start slowing down. The disillusionment sinks in. Its the first time when a kid called me aunty I realised that I was getting old!
Of course my cousin nephew (cousin's son) still refuse to call me Athai inspite of my several pleas unless he wants favours out of me.

Shrug! Big deal, so I have lived at least a quarter of my life. Ok, to be exact couple more than quarter. Lets see what the future has in store. Perhaps it won't be all that disappointing after all :)

some people have got

2006-01-19T00:53:00.000-06:00

loving fears

"Maybe he went by me on the street and I just missed him"

"Maybe I didnt notice her, because I busy oggling at the girl in the short skirt"

"Perhaps I would have fallen in love with her, given time. Why did she have to move?"

" Was he the one? He just introduced me to his would be wife.. and I am wondering what if it was him?"

loving hopes

" She certainly didn't love me. But am sure someone will."

"Oh, so what if he doesnt feel the same way about him. I'll wait... how long can my Prince Charming elude me "

And then there are the love stories. The ones that were never expressed, the ones told out loud in public. The ones which were accepted, the rejected ones. There are ones with two peoples, ones with one person, ones with more than 2 people.

Every story is different, every couple has one. Some people have more than one,
some none...

Obsession

2006-01-18T22:48:00.000-06:00

I thinking currently I have two obsessions. Have to watch one episode of Remington Steele every night no matter what. And have to read blogs, and come up with stuff to write.
Why does every new thing have to be an obsession with me? In case of writing its a age old obsession which surfaces on and off given enough fuel. For a while my obsession was reading shouts on desi-radio. I made several e-friends via DR. cool!
Now am obsessed with blogging. I want write something, no matter how nonsensical everyday.
Yesterday I decided I would write only "meaningful"(aah I can see you grin when u read the next line!) things, so I came up with a story.
Now am upset cause no one leaves comments on stories apparently.
Then I have to remember my cousins famous words, etched in my memory " Write about things that you feel, about people you know, real life experiences."
Still can't do it. If I make my story too real, will it still be interesting? If it happened to me, would I want to tell you about it? and why would anything interesting ever happen to me? shrug!
Back to my topic.. I think I suffer from obsessive syndrome, whether its a disorder I will let you decide. Still waiting for the day when I can truely obsess about what I do for a living!!

love?????

2006-01-18T00:18:00.000-06:00

He was pretty good looking. That chap who worked on the 5th floor. Everyday I would go to restaurant for a cup of tea at 8:35. And there he would be sitting at the same old table. Drinking his coffee reading the newspaper. Stripes shirt, blue tie, brown briefcase.

I grew fond of him. I would sit two tables across from him sipping my cup of tea, stealing glances at him, pretending to read my M &B while he would read the Times of India. And then five minutes to 9 we would both get up, pay our bills and take the flight up the lift. He would get off at 5th floor and I on the 7th (top one!).

I noticed little things about him, how he would never hold the handle of the mug but hold it with both hands clutching on to the warmth on cold mornings.
How he would open his cigarette case, fiddle with the cigarettes and put them back in. Never smoking any of it. The case was always full. Then before paying the bill he would stare at his wallet a full 20 seconds.

Oh God, I was in love with him. He had a receeding hairline, he was just a tweed taller than me and looked prone to putting on weight. But oh god, I loved him.
He would smile at him, as I would enter the restaurant. And we would chat our way up on the lift (elevator!) Just the usual hellos, hope your day is good on the 30 second ride.

And then it happened. One day I came to the restaurant and didn't see him. I wondered. Worried more when I didn't see him the next day and the day after and the day after... Who would I ask? I didn't even know his name!

Two whole weeks went by, I almost got used to getting disappointed every morning.
And then I saw him, back at the same table. My heart skipped a beat. He smiled and I smiled back. So many questions and so much to say and only a 30 second lift ride ! And then I saw another guy pat his back, "Hey Raj" Ah I thought his name is Raj! So how was your honeymoon? Did you have fun at Kulu Manali?"

A tea stained saree, a few tear drops and a few missed heartbeats was all I was left with.

and why exactly are you helping me?

2006-01-17T23:47:00.000-06:00

Humanity, helping those in need is a good virtue. Or so I have been told.
Personally I think I help people (if and when) for selfish reasons, it makes me feel good.

But lately I wonder why anyone helps anyone?

Context? I have been having problems with setting up Wireless on my Linux. My cousin just told me its to be expected because people don't want to make wireless drivers for linux because of some Microsoft ghapla (shady work!).
Anyway, I started posting questions on Mandriva Linux forums . Bless those kindly souls who kept answering my irritating questions. Eventually I managed with their help to get it working.
I was just thinking now, what motive could anybody have to share their knowledge free of cost?

Its probably in a way sad that I have even thought of that question. I have to wonder why the rest of the world isn't just a forum where anyone can ask a question and people will answer?

Rumor has it!!

2006-01-16T21:30:00.000-06:00

Ignore the Italics if you want to see this movie. If not read on!

So what's worse
A man sleeping with three women in the family? to be specific, woman, her mother and her daughter!
or
that none of them loved him?

That is what came to mind after watching this new Jennifer Aniston Flick, a sequel to the Graduate.

Hero Worship

2006-01-14T17:12:00.000-06:00

I have always had a hero to look up to (some form or the other). As female I should probably look for women as my role models, but let's shelve that discrepancy.

As a kid, and for a several year into my teenage years my brother was my hero.
I think I still look upto him, but that blind worship and immitation has disappeared into a strong friendship. My obsession with cricket is thanks to him. My affinity to electronics (even though I suck at physics and really have no knowledge of circuitry)
is because of his real knowledge ! There are probably several small mannerisms that I immitated as a kid. I think my handwriting has some resemblance to his :)

My other hero for past decade has been Rahul Dravid. Sure, his looks were a consideration :) but truly, you can't see much person in their cricket gear. All I can remember is falling in love with his cut shots and his style of playing the hook close to the ground! I am no cricket expert, but I loved his shots. Before writing this post I should have probably checked up on his biography.

But here is my reason for looking up to him. When he came into the national team, everybody was impressed by his technique. But he failed to make a impression on the one day style of the game. In fact he made a very strong negative impression in regards to his approach to the game. But since a few years now, he has been a world-class player in both forms of the game. He has won matches for India and has very much been a team player.

As is tradition in the US of celebrating all occasions on the weekends. This post is a
Birthday Greeting for the current Indian Captain, who became 33 on Jan 11th.
Here is wishing him Several laurels and wins for India in the coming years.

Dost

2006-01-12T00:02:00.000-06:00

I was reminded of this stuff thanks to this blog I read today on Catharsis of the Contrived Mind about Friends. Had to post it of course :)

You remember well the first day you saw your friend sitting on the bench
in the park. She dusted off the leaves and asked you to come sit by and
talk to her 'cause you looked like you had lots to talk about. Soon enough
it became a ritual, the dusting off of leaves to make a place for you.
Then its became so natural that she stopped dusting off the leaves 'cause
she knew you would come and sit beside her. Eventually one day you noticed
that if you had to go talk you would have to dust the bench. Now you
weren't sure whether you were still welcome or not. So next day you just
stood nearby, spoke a few words. Your friend thought you were in a hurry
and didn't think she should ask, you would have told her if something was
troubling you. Slowly the chats became shorter and your friend wasn't sure
what went wrong, neither were you. Soon enough you walk by the bench on
an evening to see it empty, and you know it in your heart that there is a very dusty glass wall between the two of you. So the friendship went
sour, who knew whose fault it was! Talking might have helped but then
again, who knows!

Surely though its just as natural that you sit by the
bench one evening and your friend ( ex friend perhaps) passes you by and
you smile at her, dust the leaves next to you and she comes and sits
besides you. Its like you've always been friends even when those weeks when
the bench was empty. And it all fits in like a jigsaw puzzle. Friendships
are like that, you just need to remember to dust off time.

Philosophy

2006-01-08T23:59:00.000-06:00

I am not much of a philosopher. Its hard to say deep meaningful things. Here are some philosophies stolen from movies, ghazals (a form of hindi/urdu poetry) and my favourite television series. The idea is to add to it as and when I encounter more

This one is from a very crappy Hindi movie "Om Jai Jagdish".
So Jai says or at least the gist of it " Everybody seems to be unhappy. But stories are supposed to end happily. So if everyone is not happy this cannot be the end!"

Here is another one, Remington Steele telling Laura a story. Remington worked with this Marcus ( he was then but 12 years old) and these bunch of people worked hard, and the ship/tanker which was supposed to make them rich blew up right in front of them. Morose and sad they all were, but soon Marcus started laughing and
when this enraged 12 year old asked him why? " Think about the possibilties, extranjero ! Everything is new now. You get to have a fresh start, do it all from the beginning. How exciting! "

Finally here are the first some lines from Javed Akhtar's Ghazal sung by Jagjit sing

Sach hai yeh, bekar humein gham hota hai
Its true, we feel sad unnecessarily.

Jo chaha, duniya mein kam hota hai
What you want, happens very rarely in this world.

gairon ko kab fursat hai dukh dene ki
When do strangers have the time to give you pain?

jab hota hai koi humdum hota hai
Sach yeh hai bekar humein gham hota hai.

When it happens, its a dear one.
It is true, we feel sad unnecessarily