Monday, March 27, 2006

I finally succumb...

to writing some poetry. I will go ahead and disgrace myself here, after all I have been prosing for so long that a change might be good.. you might even get a hearty laugh out of this pretension.

And to those of you thinking that these disclaimers are really me fishing for compliments I have to tell you that you are right! I will take everything and anything... compliments and critic..:) Ok..brace goes

Would you make me beg you?
for those kind words
for those minutes of sanity
before I move into the unfeeling world.

Would you deprive me
of those stolen moments
of the small memories
before the reality takes over

Would you not turn around,
my friend and say goodbye?
Just one glance, one look
to keep me company
on my journey away from you.

PS: For anybody who wonders about the inspiration, perspiration or aspirations behind this poem. I have to tell you honestly, none. One afternoon, work refuses to get done..intense boredom takes over and I feel like poeting.. Sure I am bad it, but when has that ever stopped me from posting?

Saturday, March 25, 2006


Just watched my favourite scene from My Best Friend's Wedding. Its when Michael goes on a boat ride with Julianne. He is discussing with her how they both rarely used the word love in their relationships with other people. And then he says "
Kimmy says if you really love someone you say it loud.. otherwise ..."
Julianne completes it for him "..otherwise the moment just passes you by.." During this scene the boat is going under the bridge so its in shadow and Juliannes eyes are brimming with tears. As she says the words the boat comes out from under the bridge into the light. Love the scene.

Its not the just love, a lot of things in life are momentous. Its about reacting correctly at the right moment. Or realzing what it is that you want at the moment when you want to make your decision.

If one thinks back, there are these "life changing moments". At that point of time we hardly even notice them, Its when they are gone we feel that something important just happened.

If you love someone, say it then and there. If you want to take up that job, don't dwell on it. Just accept it. When you want to make the move go ahead and do it. Once the moment has past, there is not much you can do the make it happen again.

This is not a reminder of all things that could have been, but all things that could be!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Pyar Ishq Mohabbat aur Zindagi

Kambhakth ishq hai jo
Sara Jahan hai woh
Kab aata hai Kab jaata hai....
Par rahta hai jab tak yeh kabhakth jannat dikhata hai

Sunayana could not sleep. She just could not get her mind off him. They had been in the same college for three years now. But suddenly something had changed. Everytime she saw him or talked to him, her heart did a thousand leaps. The whole world brightened up. Gone were her thoughts about war, poverty, homelessness. There were no worries in her world. He on the other hand she thought looked a little out of sorts.
The stubble made him look good. But it was difficult to ignore the lines of worry on his forehead.

Jane yeh kaisi aag lagi hai.
Isme dhuan na chingari
Ho na ho is baar koi khwab jala hai seene mein.

Ravi tossed and turned in his bed. He could hear voices from his parent's bedroom.
He felt so helpless. He was in the last year of engineering and they were running out of money to pay for his education. Baba had lost his job. The company had shut down suddenly and at his age it seemed impossible to get another job. He had two younger siblings, still in high school. There was just another year to go and his parents wanted him to finish. He felt like he should quit degree college and get a job. Any job would probably help them at this point. His parents on the other hand were trying to convince him that they had enough savings to get through another year. He was sure they were lying.

mere dil ko yeh kya ho gaya
main na janu kahan kho gaya
kyun lage ki din mein bhi raat hai
dhup mein bhi barsaat hai
aisa kyun hota hai baar baar
kya isko hi kahte hain pyar

Sunayana was on the seventh heaven. She had met Ravi in the hallway. He said he would like to talk to her in the afternoon after class. He had asked her looking very nervous whether she would meet him for a cup of tea. She had agreed most readily.
She realized she was counting minutes to this meeting, feeling nervous and delirious both at the same time.

Ishq hota nahi sabhi ke liye..
yeh bana hai yeh bana hai kisi kisi ke liye...

Ravi spent the time in class dreading his meeting with Sunayana. She was the closest thing he had to a friend and he was sure she would understand. He wondered what this meant for both of them. If only things were different, he could have asked her to marry him. She had big ideals, about how she would be a social activist and help the poor after she finished her graduation. He felt sad that he could not be a part of her ideals. His life was taking a different direction.

Mar gaye ishq mein aashiq kitne
aashiq baniyo na....
ishq kabhi kariyo na...

Sunayana felt like her life had fallen apart. She felt bitter. And yet she couldn't be angry with anyone. Ravi was leaving college. He had found a job in Dubai. It was a clerical job. She was sure he could get a better paying job but he was in no position
to bargain. She felt cheated. It wasn't Ravi's fault that his family was broke. She wished she could have helped him in a different way. But what could she do? She was from a middle class family herself. She had worked hard to get this merit seat, and her parents were just about able to pay for her education. She suggested that Ravi should take a loan and finish his studies. But he said that their finances were in such a poor state that it was impossible to manage even with a loan.

mann yeh baanwara
tujh bin maane na
dhunde raat din kya baanwara

As he walked out of her life that day Ravi had a hollow feeling. Sure they could keep in touch. They were still young and had time on their hands.
They both knew that was never going to work out. Ravi had to look after his siblings and Sunayana had to still build her life. Perhaps they still had hope. Maybe in 10-15 years time they could be together. Maybe she join him in Dubai. Maybe he would come back in couple of years after making a lot of money.

Hazaron Khwaahishen aisi ke har khwaahish pe dam nikale
Bahut nikale mere armaan lekin phir bhi kam nikale.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Romance and Reality

This post is slightly inspired from Casa's or at least smells the same!

Over the weekend I saw Before Sunrise and Before Sunset starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delphy. And I spent half of the time agreeing with most things they said especially Julie delphy's character in the sequel.

For the uninformed ( ok that is just to get people started..:)) Before Sunrise was this (fairly mushy as I realize now) movie aboout two strangers who meet on the train and spend the next 20 hrs (perhaps?) talking to each other and falling in love with each other. This movie was made in 1995 and I think I saw it about 7-8 years ago, the movie impressed me with its simplicity. And the idea of two strangers getting along so well with each other jelled with me. I still love that movie.

But it was the sequel which made me realize how much I had changed. At the end of the first one they promise to meet each other after six months at the same place (dont bother to exchange phone numbers etc). The sequel was in fact made 9 years later and was about them meeting each other after 9 years. They couldn't meet after six months. But the connection was still there. Anyway, years had taken their toll, they were now older and somehow less romantic and more cynical.

Especially Julie Delphy's character. She talks about how she really felt detached from everything around her etc.. and how often have I felt that way. No, there was no stranger on the train..or a romance that could have been. Its just that life happened. Its like that rock on the sea shore I saw the other day, all that salt water hitting it slowly makes it loose its edge. The rock probably doesn't even realise what is happening until years are gone by and the change is sharp.

No, I am not a bitter depressed manaic....but how I love that movie. For being honest in a strange way. Perhaps its just me who relates to it so. OR perhaps you will too if you watch it.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

The Angle

" Look at her. In that crimson red saree she looks her best. And what am I wearing? The same old simple salwaar kameez? Why didn't I dress up a little bit more? How could I forget that Rani would be look ravishing as ever? Perhaps Nikhil is right now wishing he was married to her after all. Look at her laughing and talking to him " Neha thought to herself. Next minute she was scolding herself " But she didn't want him did she? While I have been in love with Nikhil all my life. And yet why am I always worrying? He's mine for life now, na?"

Just then Nikhil moved across the room to talk to her to discuss their plan of action for the evening.

" They both look so happy together" thought Rani. " Maybe I should not have refused him." He was after all the most handsome guy in her school. They would have made the perfect couple. The beauty queen and the prince of school.
" What's the use in this line of thought. Aren't I happy with Rahul? So what he is a bespectacled serious guy, who prefers books to movies." Hadn't she always been in love with him? Running around him in school, pretending to have difficulties with homework just to seek his help.

As Neha turned to go talk to their hostess , Nikhil looked around the room. He saw Rani taking Rahul's spectacles and wiping them up for him.
" Look at her. Treating him like a baby. Isn't it just like her. " He was reminded of all the time in life when he had been jealous of this very act. How he had convinced himself that no girl could ever refuse him. He always felt strange being in the same room with the woman he had been in love with for the first 25 years of his life and the woman he had promised to love rest of his life. He wondered why they weren't the same woman. Then he turned to see Neha in deep thought break into a big smile when he looked at her. " Why wasn't I in love with my wife all my life? All those heartaches and troubles we could have avoided."

Rahul looked at his wife, fussing over him and felt blessed. "Whatever made her fall in love with the most boring boy in school, he would never know." Spontaneously he took her hand and squeezed it, as if to tell her how precious she was to him. Rani flushed and then whispered into his ears, " I am glad you are with me"

Neha saw the exchange and felt the eyes of Nikhil on her. All she saw there was love.. no deceit and thought "How can I but be in love with this man always?"

Monday, March 13, 2006

A Drop of Sweat

I travel downward as he frowns. Gravity pulls me down and I fall with a thud. Part of me is stuck on to the ends of his shirt. As I splash, I grasp the warm air in the hope that it will carry me forth.

In seconds, I evaporate into the air, warmed by the hot mid-day sun. And I am free. I spread around,
in all directions, free like a bird. My wings are every where. I am floating in the air.
Its wonderful for a few minutes, and then I feel myself dissipating, becoming one with the atmosphere.

Will I be ever able to gather myself? There is no time to think....

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Email story: finale (no real surprises)

Date: Wed, 7 Jan 2004 08:03:57 +0530
From: "Mythili Rangaswami"
To: "Sumitra Narsmihan"
Subject: Re: venkatiah

yep, for both, ramesh is a good guy and venky still doesnt watch desi movies. but i have convinced him to go for Kal ho na ho with me. I know, i know.. we have seen it on video.. par yaar its still running in the theaters.
Btw our dear venky has finally decided on a girl! He claims he really likes her, but thinks shes not interested, quite crestfallen he is. I told him its no big deal yaar, happens in arranged marraige par pata nahi he seems set on this one!
i was thinking ki even talking to Ramesh a few times, agar we decide not to get married, i wont feel bad like that.

anyway, i believe SRK will make it all ok :)


Date: Thu, 8 Jan 2004 22:57:19 -0600
From: "Sumitra Narsmihan"
To:"Mythili Rangaswami "
Subject: Re: venkatiah

Sorry mythee, am real tied up yeh week. What with this being Prashant's last week of break and deadlines next week at work.. So will mail you back after dude is gone back to Midwest.


Date: Sat, 10 Jan 2004 10:30:19 +0530
From: "Mythili Rangaswami"
To: "Sumitra Narsmihan"
Subject: Re: venkatiah

that's ok re. meeting ramesh again today. he is nice. and then will go with srini tomorrow to see Venky off at the airport. so will mail you in a few days.


Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2004 03:15:45 +0530
From: "Mythili Rangaswami"
To: "Sumitra Narsmihan"
Subject: CALL ME

arre I tried your cell, but you are probably at work. call me when you get my email..
am desperate.. can't sleep. I did the most outrageous thing. venky asked me if I would marry him, and I said yes..
we had like this three minute conversation when we went to get coffee for everyone.
i dont know why I said yes.. what will i tell my parents now? and ramesh??
oh sumi, please call.. i am sleeping rather not sleeping with the cordless next to you wont disturb anyone.
apparently he meant me when he said that he liked this girl.. stupid me..didnt take the hint!! and now i said yes, i think i would like being married to him..but what a mess. and i wont even hear from him for next 20 hrs..don't know if we are really on any commitment here!!!


Tuesday, March 07, 2006


I have been on this island for a while now. I have a small raft on which I can go fishing.

Everyday I wait, for that big ship to pass by, blowing its horns. I have learnt to build fire, and have these coconut like things which burst into the flames. I have thus a perfect system to catch the passerby's eyes.

I was on a small boat once, it was definitely seaworthy, but I had not taken time enough to check if the base was indeed solid. So no surprise that it capsized very quickly. It was kind enough to sink near an island. An island I can swim to, I can find shelter and food at.

Like I said, I have a small raft (constructed from my boat remains), somedays when the weather is nice, I venture into the calm seas, soak in all the warm air. But I rush back lest I should miss sighting that big ship, and miss my chance.

Sometimes I wonder though, is this waiting worth it. Should I just not make home here on this island, which has been ever so kind to me? Its a passing thought, cause come the light of dawn I am there again, at the shore, waiting!

PS: I have been reading Life of Pi for the past few days (actually a month now!)..hence the boat the water :)

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Mathematically speaking

There is platonic love and then there is physical attraction. I feel am in love with every person who speaks a few kind words to me, who makes me feel good. At the same time I can be attracted to very unknown strangers on the big screen.

Yet there are so many people who confuse the two. Some thing is love is just physical attraction..and then there are those who think its just platonic (hypothetically speaking :)).
I suppose when you mix the two you get a happy marraige.

Its all very simple really, you have two equations and you have two very random variables and in a linear (read sane!) world there is one and exactly one solution.