The Alien Feeling

I cannot stop thinking about this theory my brother told me, about how we are the true aliens on the planet. That we are so different from everything around us, its not clear how the jump in the evolution was made.

I am not a specialist in any of these subjects but I must say this view point is turning me off Zoos, Museums etc just when my son has started enjoying them!  

Its strange we just collect samples of animals put them in a Zoo, so we can take a peak at their world. More eerie when I accidentally ended up seeing a huge display of  stuffed animals in the Museum. Actually I never verified whether they were just models or stuffed animals, birds and fishes. I am kind of scared of finding off the truth. I spent all my time there running after my toddler who was thrilled to see bigger versions of animal pictures he has seen in a book.

But if they are indeed stuffed, then what a strange fettish for humans to have! Why do we want to see what other animals look like while we live in cities.  Over time we have lost all ability to truly live in wild, we got rid of all the animal hair, we cannot survive without clothes, eat only cooked food. In fact, most of us would not know how scavenge for food in a forest. We have shed every animal instinct we may have had (barring a few I suppose!) and surrounded ourselves with things that keep us busy.

Its almost as if we created work so we had something to do! In the event of eventual distruction, perhaps some people will be transported to a different planet and would start from scratch !!

The art of doing nothing

I think I have finally excelled at it. I can sit for an hour not even day dreaming, just with continuous flashes of what I should be doing and next thing I know a huge chunk of time has passed. I decided today was my day to take a break. How is different from yesterday , you ask me? I do not know. Except perhaps yesterday the goal was to have fun, enjoy ride into the city, eat out watch a movie. One gets tired when having fun.

A break on the other hand is .., well it is the ability to sit idle and not feel bored, not feel the urge to be somewhere else, feel the need to talk to people. A break is sheer contentment in the present, not feeling stressed out about work piling up as I sit here blogging away after years ... A break is cooking without putting your mind into it and discovering halfway through lunch that hey, am a pretty decent cook! A break is being able to sit down and write what one feels like without worrying about the quality of though that I am professing.

There have been other Sundays where I have spent the whole day without seeing a human face...ok am exaggerating a tad bit there, but lets say spent the whole day without having a real conversation. Usually by evening I am at my wits end about what to do with the rest of the Sunday other than get back to work.

Today, I must say has been pleasant, there have been short spurts of work being done feeling and yet I have managed to while away time without being bored.

Its been a good day; a break from the everyday, from the stress of underachieving, from the desire to be elsewhere, from the thought of wrong turns one has made...from the dread of the ticking clock, its been a Sunny day, a day for bad puns :)

Thin films

I was going to write about how life is like a thin soap film, sometimes, it just looks so perfect that you think that if you touch it or change anything it will just break it :(

And then I see my last post it seems to be on same subject. No wonder I haven't posted much on this blog lately. I have only been having the same thought every month!!

So its Spring now, the air is still chilly but its sunny today. That just makes everything better. Spring brings flower buds, small green leaves, my plant seems to have made it through the winter and finally I see new leaves and I think, this is going to be a good year after all.

Bombay and Germany...no connection at all.

This post possibly belongs in the book blog. But then again, its already been reviewed once. It was the review which made me read it.

Maximum City is a book about Bombay. Suketu Mehta does a good blend of his life on returning to his homecity and the story of the city itself. So I spent most of my trip and back to Germany (and I have been meaning to mention that one way or the other :) ) reading this book. On the train ..(and german rail system is amazing!), on the flight, etc. On a side note, I really had fun riding the rail. I believe I travelled at least 5 different types of trains..at varying speeds..going upto 240 km/hr (and not even feeling it..).

I had a couple of days to see some of Germany (after my conference) and I did my best. The book gave me wonderful company. I remember sitting at Karlsruhe station waiting for the connection. I was reading this book with at most concentration. Suketu Mehta was explaining the life of a bar girl. The whole courting process, and suddenly I heard at least 10 dogs barking at hte same time.
Apparently some search party was out, there were these men in uniform with trained dogs. The dogs had been barking quite randomly at the passengers getting out the train. For a second, I looked around to realize that I might be looking a little suspicious sitting there alone. The dogs luckily showed no interest in the sweets I had in my backpack.

Germany was very tourist friendly, inspite of language issues. But then again, I possibly visited only the touristy areas. I got a chance to take treks in the black forest, eat the original black forest cake. Meanwhile, I reading about another life filled with murder and mayhem of black collared workers/ mafia in Bombay. The starking contrast of where I was ..and the city I had lived in most of my life left me with this unworldly feeling.

The disbelief of what I was reading and beauty of my surroundings, have made the whole experience quite surreal. Bombay and Germany..no connection at all..except in my head!

Home Sweet Home

Once again when I am home I rediscover the printed media in desland.

The cannibal ..more bodies are discovered..as Delhi police find the missing children. Was this guy dealing human organs?

Dogs create a havoc in Bangalore..A child mauled to death by 10 to 12 dogs. BMP claims it must have been a hit and run accident..dogs dont attack people.
That whole week..paper was full of such incidents.

Meanwhile Shilpa Shetty makes the news big time with Big Brother show..admist the protest of several immigrants in Britain against the new immigration rules. The racist issue is up for discussion yet again..

Ash's engagement to AB junior..The Bacchan'ns walk to Sidhivinayak temple. Ash will act or not after tying the knot is upto her future in-laws..apparently the newpaper claims.

Indian team under fire again. Someone tries to attack Chappell at the airport..


Television set..

Sawaal kar le kar le...SRK dancing to money tunes trying to buy veiwership for KBC III!

Tulsi ma..bees saal purana sawaal phir uthega..ansh ki maut ka badla...

Awesome advertising..
Take the Haynes undergarments..no tag add
Or Motorola..cheap stylish phones gimmick..

Some new serials to watch

Jab Luv hua..plays on Zee TV same time as KSBKBT and works well in terms of avoiding adds on both channels..
Mohalla Mahobbatwalla..is entertaining on SABtv..
BEst of all " Ek Chabbhi hai pados mein" Plays on Star Plus Saturday nights at 10PM..

Finally had my first and second genuine masala puri in banglore fast food places..

Saw A mall in Bombay..never been to one before. Totally dig the few minutes I was at crosswords..
The number of books just made me want to be there forever..so many new indian authors..am so glad htey are getting space..

Also ate paneer chalupa for the first time..had tonnes of gobhi manchurian..sweet corn soup..

It all ended too soon.. Been back here for three weeks now..and want to go back home again..

Calvin...

..says it all!!
Source

Rants of the frustrated Grad..Stud.. :)

I feel like a Greek Tragedy today. Things are not really any different from yesterday and won't be too different tomorrow, but I just felt like saying that sentence aloud for what it is worth!

Its strange the life of a Graduate student. Our lives are very much governed by our research. One happy day of results, working setups, very happy advisor can be followed by discovering next day that some of those results are not quite correct. What was working yesterday, ain't working no more. Advisor is upset for unknown reasons. And there you go..there is tragedy for you! Of course the most tragic part of graduate life is not graduating, which is omnipresent till the day you actually graduate!

If you think about it five or more years of "prime" life is spent worrying over the "thesis" which doesn't exist till it does and you are done. While other normal people are going home with big bucks, to their spouces and maybe even noisy children. A graduate student usually comes home to an empty apartment..regardless of whether the person in question is living alone or with roommates (their roommates probably having completely different waking hours).
Most of social talk involves comparing advisor idiosyncrasies, complaining or praising..(yep sometimes that happens) advisors..and other such important matters. When bored of conversing, the GS's watch movies together..sometimes some of them will also cook for another 10 of them..just to spice up things!

In all every day is the same..perhaps the rest of the world doesn't live a very different life.. but what would the frog in the pond know about the sea haan?

All that in a pack of biscuits?

I just discovered a new brand of biscuits with a chocolate layer..etc by PiM's. So the pack claims its France's No. 1 Biscuit Brand, but its made in Belgium. (no contradiction there really!)

Anyway, managed to finish the whole pack of biscuits..and I have to tell you they are really good..
What amused me however is the stuff written to advertise this !

"PIMs varieties are a unique selection of extremely indulgent biscuits, made with the finest ingredients to creat your own moment of sensual pleasure every day.

Be seduced by PIM's Orange, a combination of three luscious taste sensations : delicate soft biscuit, natural tangy orange fruit filling and rich chocolate, for an intense taste experience. "


Are they talking about biscuits? Scary part is ..its all true :)
(I added the italics to decorate the text btw :) )

Hello

It poured cats and dogs out there today. The thunder was indeed barking and meowing. Now there is this lull after the storm.
The air smells sweet, only thing I can hear is the birds chirp and those coloured tin machines (perhaps you refer to them as cars!) whiz by.

After rain, everything looks beautiful. Even the most boring of plants if full of life. Everything is green. The tiny drops of water balancing on the edge of the leaves make it all seem facinating.

In all, its a beautiful world. So hello, beautiful dear world!

Perhaps you can help

Here is a Mumbai Help blog post . If you are having a better luck reaching phone numbers..maybe you can help!

Memories

Turning into an insomaniac..ok not really..but currently cannot sleep. Suddenly was reminded of this
one wonderful summer I had with my cousins..when I was 14 I think.

I loved every minute of it. They were all older to me..anywhere by months to a decade. It was rare..what with school and everything that we all be at the same place at the same time. But once in a while it would and we would have a great time. Technically speaking I think they thought they had a great time, making fun of me..and teasing me. Me being the youngest one. But they probably didnt realize how much I enjoyed all this teasing. I just loved all of them, and really in their own way they were giving me all this attention ( I was attention craver as a kid..maybe I still am :) ).

All in all, we had good fun. Now we are all grown up..some are married with children. And who knows if ever we will be able to hang out together..all of us at the same time, And yet these memories that we created will remain forever in our minds. And I will have company on those boring nights when insomania strikes :)

Just a (few) thought(s)

...I want my left and right hand to meet behind my back. But they refuse too..even though they are perfectly cordial when I can see them !

... Its a man's world. You want to fit in, be a man.. If you want to be special..be a woman !


...One can be rooted like a tree and let the scenary change around them. Or one can keep moving, like a bird..building a nest at every new place, never expecting permanancy.
In either case..Change happens.

...I admire people who can get over their broken hearts..who understand how its not the end of the world. I can not understand those who actually end their world on that account.

...Nostalgia is a dangerous things. It plays tricks on our minds. It convinces us that life will never be the same again!

D**** the five letter word

Dear Diary,

I saw a strange movie. I walked out of the theater telling my friends how I liked the movie.
Then they pointed out how it was all about death..Even though the ending was happy the message of death being inevitable was hammered in with all nuts and bolts secured.

I walk into the empty house..switch on lights just to make me feel better. The music is playing loud. I feel in a daze.

For the uninitated I went to see and Australian movie called "Look Both Ways". The movie pencils a bunch of characters around a train freak accident of man trying to catch hold of his dogs. In the background is the running news of a huge train crash killing several.

Its about a couple of people who have started seeing death everywhere.
It was actually very well directed movie. I soaked it all...the direction, the acting..the mix of animation.. the concept all of it. And yet now I feel drained. Drained of some spirit.

I want to tell you how it reminded me of all the train accidents which we have witnessed only in the news (at least me!) How after a while it becomes numbers on the screen. One forgets how it might effect the ones involved. How rarely do we shed tears for unknown strangers.
Yet its inevitable..we all die one day. We all die alone..and we each have to cope with it our own way.

So I sit here and stare at my computer, at loss for words to describe how it feels! Perhaps you should watch the movie..and maybe you will understand what it is I want to tell you. No! i am not here to advertise a movie, but to advertise bits of entertaiment to remind you the five lettered
truth called Death!

love
me

Split Milk..

I can visualize the whole thing in slow motion. The urge to get up and switch radio station..the slight brush of hand in the process...and all that chai on my spik and span carpet. The next minutes are spent in scrubbing away ferociously..with paper towels and windex..and as far as I can tell in the low lighting, they have done their job.

Now I can rue over the lost cup of tea, the wasted paper and the possibility of a stain on the carpet.

I know the saying..no point in crying over spilt milk. But sometimes I wonder if some remorse would help avoid it next time. So far I haven't found a solution as my dear friend will concur :)

Which brings me back to the point, should we blame ourselves for the mistakes we make so we will remember in future. And do we ever remember ? Is it at all possible to learn from our mistakes.
Would I redo somethings if given a second chance. Perhaps, but at that point I didn't have any more knowledge than what led to the mistake.

We all deserve second chances to prove ourselves...but what happens when we fail time and again?
What makes us get up...and re make that cup of tea and place it next to us (to really strech the analogy!)?

Phone sshphone..

You and I don't make sense, Its like our friendship was an error in the global settings. A blip on the blank screen..the one that wasn't supposed to be there.
Its a miracle we have been friends for this long.

Hold on..what are you talking about ?

See there...you have no idea what we have been conversing about for the past 10 minutes..yet you refuse to hang up the phone

Hang up on you? When have I hung up the phone on you?

Ah..but you would like to won't you? I mean..we carry out these meaningless conversations everyday..for half hour..when you would rather be watching a movie or something!

Actually I am watching a movie right now. Except neither the movie or what you are saying makes any sense to me.

Which brings me back to my point na? We just dont make sense.. why are we carrying out this charade of friendship? For what 3 years now?

Ah come on..who else can I call and watch a movie at the same time and fail understanding both?

Why dont you just watch your movie? Am sure its much more simple to understand

I was only joking da...

See! I cannot even tell when you are joking and when you are serious.

Hmmm

Hmm what? Why dont you just go back to..oh am sorry continue watching your movie?..

Now that you mention it..its almost nearing the end.. I will call you after its done.


Grrr.. Wrong choice..see you dont know anything about me..you dont know when I mean something and when I don't. Well BYE then...!

Hmm..ok..Bye talk to you later

Need a little inspiration...

Saw the Sun today, peeking out of the dark clouds.
A sign of promise of new thoughts and solutions?

Yet its only a mirage, even if I can feel it gleam on me.
I see no answers, just more questions clearer than before.

At least it is a start. Tomorrow there will be sunshine and more.



PS: Boston has had now 7 whole days of cloudy days..when the sunlight beamed this evening, I could hear people in the coffee shop shout..Its the sun..its the sun :)

Enroute to New York

The suspect is travelling on Fung Wah bus, cheapest and surprisingly reliable way to travel!

The trip was well thoughout yet a bit impulsive. After harassing oneself about unaccountable money loss, unproductive research and unhappy advisor the suspect decided to bolt the scene of crime.

This was aided by an uncle's promise of a free ride back home and delight expressed by the suspect's friends in NY/NJ.

After a long time the suspect finds oneself with tonnes of time on hand and resorts to mundane thoughts.
* Did the desi chap two rows behind notice me? Turns to check out what the owner of sweet voice looks like !
* What is the girl across the aisle listening to on her IPOD? Thoughts about Ipod usually result in a prolonged debate of whether one should buy one. Ends at "not enough money"!
* Where is the rearview mirror in a bus? Is it easier to drive a bus in rain and bad visibility? That train of thought usually ends at the station " glad I did not drive"

The scenery outside is slowly vanishing into darkness. Not that there is much to see, just a lot of trees covered in mist. On second thoughts the tinted windows take all the fun out of it.
At this point the suspect spends several minutes remincing about past bus journeys. The one from Bangalore to Mysore stands out. That route can be (at the right time of the year) spread with lush green sugarcane fields, which are quite pretty.
Don't remember anyone describing the corn fields near Urbana with the same frevour. But that is a price one pays for living in the middle of one instead of passing by it.

The difficulty in writing these words (somewhate sketchily) is quickly disposed off by observing one young lady (at a visible range) drawing with utmost concentration.
One almost feels blessed on these occasions of carrying paper and pen even at the pretext of working!

In due course the mundane thoughts recede to the most vain. At this point the suspect gets back to reading the Adventure of Precious Ramotswe of the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency.

Voices in the background

*dream*

I am in a room full of US Army soldiers. Its a party of some sort. There are bunch of them on the couch and I am standing facing them... explaining why a war is no good.
How it helps no one!



Get up in a shock. Feel like it was a nightmare.

*fast forward*

In the train staring at the other passengers. See this sad dog under the seat of its owner. Has a
patta on its nose. Wonder why?
Figure maybe it has a tendency of licking? Poor thing, Looks out of sorts and a little sad.

*later*

Wonder why people keep pets? Possibly its nice to take care of someone. Someone who wants you just the same always. Just like babies; their love is straighforward and unconditional. Their parents take care of them. Hence they love them.
Babies grown up, become independent. Our pets on the other hand stay with us till the end..ours or theirs.

But aren't animals happier in Wild? Isn't that more natural? Possibly, who knows. Its hard to figure out unless we could start to talking them.

*fast forward*

Its strange, look at us humans! We talk about protecting the envoirnment,animals. We keep them as our pets,take utmost care of them. And then, we go and kill our fellow men for there is no else who will kill us humans. We seem to have taken up the task of creating natural balance via war, bombs, our power struggles.

Who sleeps the best? The powerful man afraid of loosing his control. The man who just had a good meal after earning his daily bread?

Its hard to understand the dichotomy, trichotomy, or the reasoning behind our actions. It seems entirely easy to live at peace with each other. Perhaps it is impossible not to indulge in verbal wars..but if only they stayed verbal and did not involve cutting each other's throats.

*sigh*

Its all about....

..who is saying the words and who is listening I think.

Take these lyrics.. from Shiver By Coldplay

On and on from the moment I wake,
To the moment I sleep,
I’ll be there by your side,
Just you try and stop me,
I’ll be waiting in line,
Just to see if you care.

Affections from the quarter you want..its all cute and mushy ...aw this person loves you so much!

Affections from quarter you do not want..and you have the honour of being someone's obsession!

So where is the line between love and obsession drawn?

Ramblings

Walking towards my office from the coffee shop I looked around.
Every city has a character of its own. People dress differently here from the Midwest. They just don't seem to dress all that brightly here as in the Midwest. All dark coats, grey and black.. smart looking men and women. But no bright colours.

Then splash! Actually it was Whoosh! The truck past me sprayed a whole lot of dust on me. " And dust," All big cities have their share of dust and wind.
The daily routine is such that I walk a lot and think a lot about what I want to write.
Except I never get around to writing it.

I really like to write. But its not writing, I really love to think out loud. Put it out there for some listening ear to catch it. But really, I don't even want to think out loud. How wonderful it would be if I could transmit my thoughts.

I would just think " Loud" and then ramble on into the universe. Some kind soul would happen to say at that time " Listen" and would hear my comic narrations (even if I say so myself!) And then when I get bored with thinking, I would switch to " Listen" and tune into somebodys thoughts. Neat....

Sigh! and what a beautiful dream it was , chaotic perhaps but beautiful all the same :)